Kid Speak

She's a fan of Nina
-Del speaking of the dog's preference for Nina

Del: Is it a "cupboard" or "covered"?
Me: Cupboard
Del: That doesn't make sense! "Covered" makes sense.

I know how to ride a horse, Noah told me! If you want the horse to stop you kick it in the sides hard!
-Del

PillowSheet=PillowCase
-Del

I want the naked!
- Child D. in pre-bathing mode

Let's check the paper and see if it's a school day!
-Child F.

I'm a cowboy so I'm fixin' things!
-Child F.

Tortito = accidental mashup of tortilla and burrito
-Del

Octomber = accidental mashup of October and November
-Del

Poobah: You're a monkey! Are you a monkey?!
Child D: Yes! Oooh! Eee!

Mommy: We're going to Grammy's tomorrow to celebrate Child D.'s birthday.
Child F.: Is it her birthday tomorrow?!
Mommy: Just her pretend birthday.
Child F. (disappointed): are we having a pretend cake then?

Just because we look the same, doesn't mean we like all of the same things.
-Del to me explaining why she doesn't like grits

Child F: Chickens make eggs!
Mommy: They do! Chickens give us eggs. What do cows give us.
Child F: HAMBURGERS!

Kid Speak

Noah: Mom! I started my 'O' at the top!
Del: Good job, Noah! Give me a high five!
*slap*
Noah: did that hurt?
Del: No, not really.


I'm great at my lower case 'a's
-Noah

Mommy: It's going to be a long trip
Child C: We'll need to bring LOTS of water bottles!!

Mommy: a baby kangaroo is called a 'joey'
Child C: how do you know his name?!?!

Racoon = traffic cone/barrel
-Child C

Do you know what they say in China? "Ants in your pants."
-Del explaining when you feel wiggly

Mommy: Do you want to talk about what it was like when you lived with Regular Mommy?
Child B: YES!
Mommy: Hmmm .... what did you have for breakfast?
Child B: No one got me breakfast.
Mommy: Oh. Did you eat anything in the morning?
Child B: Yes, I got myself cereal from the cupboard.
Mommy: And did you get milk from the fridge?
Child B: No, we didn't have milk. Daddy didn't have a cow at my Regular Mom's house.

(sadly I have since learned that this is probably true - they didn't use milk on their cereal)


Del: How can she be singing without her head?!?!
Mommy: What do you mean?
Del: She's singing: "my body lies over the ocean, my body lies over the sea"
Mommy: Bonnie. My Bonnie lies over the ocean ... it's like my darling, or my sweetheart.
Del: Oh, haha, I thought she was saying "body" and I didn't think she could sing!! HAHAHA


Del: They said my name funny (speaking of family with a deep south accent)
Mommy: Did they call you "Dale"?
Del: Yes!
Mommy: Did they say: "hiiiii Daaaaallllle"?
Del: Yes!
Mommy: Yeah, that's just how they talk.
Del: It kind of sounds like a "na na na na na" voice
Mommy: Yeah, it does sound like that! They don't mean to make it sound like that, it's just how they talk.

Hawkin' a Loogie: A Secret How to

 

I've been sick.
This is the second time this winter.
And that's just crazy.
I literally did.not.ever get sick before kids entered the scene.
And ever since I those babies showed up with their big eyes and pudgy cheeks I'm usually sick at least once a year.

So I got some advice from Noah as I horsed out my words while reading Life of Fred insisting that today we really would only be able to do one chapter.
"Mom," he said. "I know what to do to make your voice better."
"You do?" I asked all husky and barely audible.
"Yeah, you just do this: *draws a bunch of saliva into his mouth loudly* and den dis" he says with his mouth full of saliva.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Then sometimes there's a thing in your mouth," he explained, "and you spit it out .... it's like what Ugug (my brother) does all the time."
"Oh, okay" I replied, not sure what to do next.
Then he lowered his voice and said: "I figured that out by myself but this is the first time I've ever told anyone."

Oh! The secrets mothers are told ....

Kid Speak

Bar-b-cube
-Ark Boy

Davin (not David)
-Farm Girl

These days I'm trying not to ask for so much alcohol.
-Farm Girl

Ark Boy: *yelling upstairs* You're NOT my best friend anymore, Farm Girl!
Poobah: Oooh oooh, am I your best friend
Ark Boy: not really

Farm Girl: Where do *our friends* live?
Mommy: in Ayer
Farm Girl: In air?!?!
Mommy: No, in Ayer. It's a town.
Farm Girl: Oh, I thought you said in air and I was like: "what if their house falls down?!?!" hahahaha

Ark Boy: booth potty = porta-potty


Ark Boy: Mom, I have a question. I've been saving it.
Mommy: Oh yeah, what's that?
Ark Boy: How do you mate?
Mommy: What do you mean?
Ark Boy: Like I know how chickens mate and cows. How do humans mate?
Mommy: What do you think?
Ark Boy: I don't know, so I wanted to ask
Mommy: well, there's an egg inside the female, not like chicken eggs, much smaller and the male part goes in the female and finds the egg and then it makes a baby.
Ark Boy: Oh! I bet it's like a small thing the color of our skin and that grows and grows into a baby.
Mommy: Yeah, I think you're right.
Farm Girl: Mommy, I have a question too. I've been saving it.
Mommy: What is it?
Farm Girl: Are there any animals that don't have fur?

Farm Girl: We're getting TREATS!
Ark Boy: TREATS??! What do you mean?
Mommy: Cleats, we're getting cleats!

Stop breathing!
-Ark Boy to Farm Girl

Where there's cheese there's usually crackers.
-Ark Boy

a 6 year old on same sex marriage

 

First I should tell you that I get most of my news from Facebook. It's embarrassing, but true. Don't tell my journalism professors from St. Mike's. Seriously.

So I've seen that there's this thing going on with Chick-Fil-A. Now truthfully, I can't see why I'd care when another food chain hits the news. Fast food makes me very very sad, frustrated, angry - for lots and lots of reasons.

And then I start to see bits and pieces on facebook (my reliable news source) about Chick-Fil-A. These are the facts I can gather:
1. The Muppets were the Chick-Fil-A toy (presumably they have a "happy meal" type toy ... don't even get me started)

2. For some reason it came out that the muppets are not anti-gay marriage

3. Chick-Fil-A pulls the muppet toy line from their store

4. Someone posts a picture of a framed notice presumably at Chick-Fil-A that states something along the lines of their being a recall of muppet toys due to poor construction. Suspicious.

5. Then I see a letter posted by the Boston Mayor explaining that while Chick-Fil-A was recently invited to set up shop in Boston - the invite has been rescinded as there is no place in Boston for discrimination - ESPECIALLY on the Freedom Trail.


I see the letter. I let out a "yes!".
Ark Boy asks what that was about.

In our house we don't talk about gay rights. It's just not an issue. Everybody has the same rights - we don't care who you're in a relationship with, what color your skin is, where you go to church (or don't), etc. As long as you're not hurting someone and you're doing your best to help the earth - who cares?

Ark Boy and Farm Girl know that some families have two mommies, and some have two daddies, and some have one daddy, and some have one mommy, and some have a daddy and a mommy. No big deal.

So I have to explain to Ark Boy that some people don't like it when two mommies are together or two daddies instead of a mommy and a daddy.

I have to explain what the muppets are.

I have to explain what fast food is ("like that place that calls itself a restaurant called McDonalds? The one that does bad things to the earth?").

And I have to explain that the muppets and the place called Chick-Fil-A don't agree about who gets to be part of a family.

"Well, I think that if boys want to marry boys they should. So whoever agrees with that - that's the one I agree with."

"That's the muppets."

"Well, I agree with them, then."

Kid Speak

*negotiating the splitting of the last hamburger*
Grampy: Well, what do you think we should do to decide?
Ark Boy: fight

I didn't mean to kick you there. I meant to kick you in the face.
-Farm Girl, said to Ark Boy quite regretfully

I'm going to help you with all my might
-Farm Girl

Farm Girl: I want dwert
Grammy: What are you saying?
Farm Girl: dwert
Grammy: door?
Farm Girl: No, dwert.
Nina: door?
Farm Girl: No – I said ice cream.
Grammy: you didn't say ice cream
Farm Girl: No, I said dwert
Grammy: OH! Dessert!

We're not normal children.
-Ark Boy

Grampy: Pie in the eye
Ark Boy: Pie in YOUR eye (pokes Grampy in opened eye)

*crying* "... wait. Why was I crying again? ... WHY?!?! TELL ME!!"
-Farm Girl

Ark Boy: I've decided I want to have a fun life, so I'm not going to do that.
Momma: Do what?
Ark Boy: Get married.
Momma: Oh.
Ark Boy: Well, if she wants to get married, then I will, but if not, then no.
Momma: Who?
Ark Boy: Emmie.
Momma: If Emmie marries anyone you'll marry someone? Or only if Emmie wants to marry you, then you'll get married?
Ark Boy: If she wants to marry me, then I'll get married. But if she doesn't, I won't.
Momma: Oh. Well, you have lots of time to decide. You might decide to marry Emmie or marry someone else or not get married at all.
Ark Boy: I think I won't do it, get married.

Kid Speak

I really love wearing Baby Legs! Do you? You should try it!
-Ark Boy to Ren Man

I'm going to be nice and shiny when I get out.
-Farm Girl in the shower

Sometimes when I look in the mirror it makes me confused.
-Ark Boy

Farm Girl: I like spicy stuff
Ark Boy: What about pepperoni?
Farm Girl: Yep
Ark Boy: What about the spice of life?
Farm Girl: Yep ... I mean, I never tried the spice of life before

I'm always a little nervous about bears.
-Ark Boy

This page is about the elephant. I mean the "A" and "B" and "C".
-Farm Girl

Mommy: How long do you want the timer set for?
Farm Girl: I want it for a long minute.

Farm Girl: Is that a sticker on the dresser? ... Is that a firzinor?
Daddy: Furzinor?
Farm Girl: No! Furzinor!
Daddy: Furzinor?
Farm Girl: NO! FURZINOR!
(repeat 2-3x's)
Daddy: Can you think of another way to say it?
Farm Girl: Is that something you're not supposed to put stickers on?
Daddy: Oh! Furniture!

*Daddy laying on ground and Ark Boy trips over him as he walks by*
Daddy: Oops
Ark Boy: I guess you were too spaceful.

I think I just want everything that's unhealthy for my body.
-Farm Girl on ice cream sundae options

Kid Speak

My head said: "the dogs don't have any more water, I should fill up their water bowl" and I said: "okay head, I'll do that" - that's what I said to my head and my head said to me
-Farm Girl

You missed it, Babe
-Ark Boy while playing Battleship ... talking to his mother, until I explained that not every woman likes to be called "babe" - this surprised him.

Mom! I'll be ready in no time! ... Mom! "no time" means I'm ready right now! *whispers to her brother* Mommy didn't know that "no time" means no time! I'm ready right now! Mommy didn't know that! *giggle giggle*
-Farm Girl

Ark Boy: Is that glitter on his tongue? (looking at a picture online of someone sticking out their pierced tongue)
Me: Ummm, yeah
Ark Boy: Is it really? Glitter?
Me: Ummm, it's a piercing.
Ark Boy: What's that?
Me: It's like when you pierce your ears to put earrings in? He has that on his tongue.
Ark Boy: That's so silly *giggling* He was doing that to be silly, right? *hahahaha*

*whispers* I'm hiding from "goodnight"
-Farm Girl upon learning that it's bedtime


*sadly* these are not m&m's ... or chocolate chips
-Farm Girl looking at her cinnamon raisin bagel

Ugh! I want chicken meat! Not potato meat!
-Ark Boy (also known as stew beef)

And that male is a girl, I think
-Farm Girl

We have a downstairs?
-Ark Boy (remember we're in a double wide right now)

A flying horse! I knew it was a flying horse because it has wings to fly, see the wings?
-Farm Girl observing the logo at a Mobil gas station

I'm NOT a DAD! I'm a bandit!
-Exasperated Ark Boy while playing with his sister and a female friend (who evidently was playing rendition 456 of "house")

When I'm four I'm going to be taller than you ... I'm going to be THIS tall!
-Farm Girl pointing to Mommy's belly button

Kid Speak

Mommy: Did you have a good sleep?
Farm Girl: Yeah. I also slept good.

Ark Boy: Mom, I noticed she started licking herself so can you keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't puke?
-speaking of the cat

Farm Girl: My eyes are feeling a little weak.

Ark Boy: Let's play rock scissor paper shoe, okay?
Farm Girl: okay
Ark Boy: rock, scissor, paper, shoe, rock, scissor, paper, shoe,rock, scissor, paper, shoe
Farm Girl: K, shoe
Ark Boy: k, I won! We're going to play what I want.
Farm Girl: Okay

Farm Girl: Can you ruffle these for me?
-speaking of cards ... meaning "shuffle"

Mommy: Do you think you'll have a hairy back like Daddy when you're older?
Ark Boy: Noooo
Mommy: Do you think you'll have a hairy chest like Daddy when you're older?
Ark Boy: Noooo
Mommy: Do you think you'll have hairy arms?
Ark Boy: Yes! See, I already have fur on them.

Ark Boy: See that hairy thing? It's called a bush
- educating Del on plant life, evidently

Farm Girl: *gasp* I just saw Christmas lights ON DURING the DAY!! That is a surprise! ... It's kind of like a treat.

kid speak

Farm Girl: Do you pee and poop when you're dead? ... That's a little bit why I don't like being alive. I have to go pee right now. But I do like being alive because I like to see Beronica (Veronica) in the morning.

Ark Boy: We need the plugger ... I mean the string? See, we're almost out of power.

Farm Girl: What do I look like, Noah? Pretty Good?

Ark Boy: I don't like beer
-on receiving a can of Diet Pepsi while trick-or-treating

Farm Girl: I'm starting to get a little sick because I'm near you.

Ark Boy: Guess what, Del? The day after tomorrow is GAME DAY!!!
Mama: and it's the day Nina is coming.
Ark Boy: Yay, yay, yay! Then she could watch me ... she could watch The Powaaahhh (power)

Farm Girl: I made you a drink! It's milk and water ... and wine! to make it s-p-i-c-y!

Farm Girl: I WANT MILK!
Auntie Chels: I want a million dollars
Farm Girl: ... I WANT MILK!
Aunti Chels: I want a million dollars
Farm Girl: (exasperated sigh) well we can't have both!

(Farm Girl falls from chair) *cry cry*
Dog: *bark!*
Farm Girl: Did you hear her? Molly is saying: 'bad chair, you hurt Del, that's bad, chair!' ... she's angry at the chair.

Kid Speak

Mommy, tell me what time I is
- Farm Girl standing on the bathroom scale

This is a ribbit!
- Ark Boy on rivets

I just wish you knew more stuff.
-Ark Boy on his disappointment over mommy's lack of extensive knowledge around every dog in Dr. Seusse's Go Dog, Go!

I hood them from you ... in my pants!
-Ark Boy (hood=hid)

Ark Boy: Farm Girl, do you want to go play in our room?
Farm Girl: Can I go on your bed?
Ark Boy: I'm afraid not ... there are sharp things on my bed

Oh! I see! There are three holes: a poop hole and a baby hole
-Ark Boy watching a calf's front feet being born

Kid Speak

Mommy: I love ice cream sundaes, do you?
Ark Boy: No. I like ice cream everyday.
Farm Girl: I like ice cream Wednesdays.

Ark Boy: you and me are both nightmares.
(a little confused after I explained that we're both night people and Farm Girl and Ren Man are both morning people)

Farm Girl: I think I'm going to win, or Ark Boy's going to win, or maybe Mommy
- prediction when playing a game with Ark Boy and Mommy

Ark Boy: Those could look very much like swords
- on chopsticks

Farm Girl: We don't take pictures of people's butts
- basic photography 101

On cleaning radiators:
Farm Girl: I'm cleaning this radio
Ark Boy: It's NOT a RADIO, it's a RADIER!

Farm Girl: Can you help me, because I'm freaking out.

Kid Speak

Farm Girl: Noooooooo means No

Ark Boy (disappointed tone of voice): Poobah can't curl his tongue or do fish face .... but there are some other things he can do

Farm Girl: I'm going to give it to me ... Haha! I say I going to give it to me. That funny.

Mommy: ... no offense ...
Farm Girl: Noah Fence? Noah Fence? What you mean, 'Noah Fence'?

Farm Girl: And he's a good man
- speaking of Uncle Josh

Parent of another preschooler: Ark Boy, what's the best thing about your mom?
Ark Boy: She's warm in the morning

Farm Girl: I don't want your Ark-Boy-blood on me

Ark Boy (upon encountering a table cloth): What is this?!? ... We put food on it ... like Thanksgiving.

Mama: I love you Farm, Girl
Farm Girl: I love you, Mama ... Nina love me too, I love her, I love Ark Boy too but sometime he don't love me and I love him all by myself!

Kid Speak

Go to barn with Grammy ... NOT Great Grammy
-Farm Girl

Mom, I was so thirsty I almost drank a ball of water!
-Ark Boy

bunnies don't have ears
-Farm Girl

Mommy: that's a dime, not a penny
Ark Boy: Oh. I want more diamonds in my bank!
Mommy: yeah, me too

Can I speak to Perry?
-Telemarketer calling for Grampy ... his name is Pierre

girlses
-Farm Girl -all plural words end in -es

button-down
-both kids, opposite of button up

buckle me down
-Farm Girl, opposite of buckle me up

I is a soldga ... I want my mama!
-Farm Girl, "soldga" = solidier

While at Nina's house~
Farm Girl: Where Daddy?
Mommy: sleeping
Farm Girl: in Tant A room with Tant A?
(note: Tant A is Mommy's sister)

When I three, I be a grownup and then I do that!
-Farm Girl on kneading bread

I have teeny tiny milks because my babies drink my milks all gone!
-Farm Girl comparing her "milks" to Mommy's "milks"

Kid Speak

"This is my special thing. You know how you have special things in your dresser drawer? This is my special thing and I like to leave it in my pants."
-Ren Man on Ark Boy trying to take Ren Man's wallet

"Nina all gone so I have to talk to you"
-Farm Girl to Poobah on her pretend phone

"I'm energetic to that"
-Ark Boy talking about his allergies we didn't know he had

"why you have cold air in your house?"
-Farm Girl on Grammy's humidifier

"It's like a pee waterfall!"
Ark Boy watching Ren Man pee

"Oh! I thought you were a monster!"
Ark Boy talking to Mommy

Farm Girl: I'm the mommy, this is my baby ... you can be...
Ark Boy: The cheetah!

Kid Speak

Farm Girl: One time, one of these days, when I was still a big kid ...

Ark Boy: He hood somewhere! He hood somewhere!
-meaning "hid"

Farm Girl: Look Mommy, there's two funny people with one person
-during a rare watching of Sesame Street

Candy-Can = Candy Cane

Farm Girl: I think it would be funner if I was a duck.

Scene (may be too graphic - feel free to skip this Kid Speak): a mean rooster is slowly blinking its eyes after being butchered:
Ark Boy: I think the most beautiful rooster is ... (whisper) the one that's bright orange and we call it Cornflake
Mommy: Why did you whisper?
Ark Boy: Because I didn't want that one to hear it (indicating the rooster near death)

Ark Boy: You are kind of like my master, right mom?

Farm Girl: It was fun eating sugar

Ark Boy: long cut = opposite of short cut

Kid Speak

I'm an excellent helper
-Ark Boy

What you dude?

-Farm Girl ("dude" = past tense "do")

I'm not going to sleep because that makes my body dream and my body doesn't want to dream
-Ark Boy at 1:34am

I want talk to him. I want say "hi" to him. To that big daddy."
-Farm Girl talking about a runner who ran in front of our car at a stop light

Why do you always know stuff?
-Ark Boy speaking to his all knowing mother

Good thing my lunch box was closed or I would have a-choo'ed on it!
-Ark Boy

Kid Speak

It cooked in the refrigerator
-Ark Boy on cooked shrimp

Write the email!
-Farm Girl giving instructions on how to address an email

Electricity! ... Electricity! ... Electricity
-Ark Boy each time he turned on a light

Ark Boy: ABRACADABRA!!
Farm Girl: You mean Debra?

For little kid girls my heart is broken
-Ark Boy

off ... o-f-f ... off ... f-off
-Ark Boy

Mommy: She was up for an Emmy award
Farm Girl: You mean Emmie?

Carol said everybody has different color skin ... yeah, I have light skin like french toast, you have dark skin like cinnamon.
-Ark Boy

Titty Tat
-Farm Girl (translation: Kitty Cat)

Ren Man messaged me:
Ark Boy just informed me that he took out the fish to see if it was sick but it wasn't and it touched his hand but it didn't do anything b/c it was scared of him

When I see pirates I run away
-Ark Boy (upon further questioning I learn that he has never actually had to use this tactic having never seen a pirate in real life ... yet

Grammy said bad guys come back to life ... (?) ... Grammy said that they do that to make movies more interesting.
-Ark Boy

Kid Speak

If I'm not shy of her she can live with me
-Ark Boy on future wife

Cow milk farm comes from the cow farm and soymilk comes from the soymilk farm.
-Farm Girl

Begetable Farm
-Ark Boy's name for the farm we get our CSA from or any time he's referencing vegetables

Mommy: People are crazy! (while driving in horrible traffic)
Ark Boy: Yeah! They're everywhere!!

Mostly I put my socks on first so I don't have to wrestle with my pants ... yeah ... that's what I do.
-Ark Boy explaining why he thinks I should put my socks on before my pants

Farm Girl: No! Pants first! Mommy say this first!
Daddy: I don't think Mommy puts her pants on before her underwear
Farm Girl: oh

Dem sleeping and kissing
-Farm Girl seeing two people kissing

Daddy: When is the last time you peed
Ark Boy: Five days

Noah-isms from today

NinaPoobah- all one word, instead of Nina and Poobah.

When asked what he wants to get people for Christmas:
Uncle Josh: new glasses (Uncle Josh wears glasses- apparently they need replacing)
Uncle Douglas: a celebration....
when asked what a celebration looks like: it's pink.
No other info offered.
That's the end of the list.

It's been a busy day of gold fish eating.