And that is how we accidentally became bakers

Last March I briefly alluded to a project in the works but still under wraps because we weren't sure it was going to go through.
And that was just about the last in-depth blog post because we've been so insanely focused on getting this project up and running.
Now finally is 5 minutes (or more) to catch up on sharing what we've been up to.

We decided to bite the bullet and just do whatever it took to get the creamery built because we've been dragging our feet on cheese-infrastructure-building, always uncertain of what the best thing to do would be, and where the money was coming from to make possibly-not-the-best-infrastructure-choices.
So we called our local independent home center and had them deliver trusses. The plan was to create the creamery over an existing slab that was installed by a previous owner with the intent of building a garage ... which didn't happen when the previous owner died days after the slab was poured.
It already has the required drain in the floor and we "just" need to put up walls and a roof.
On a Wednesday the trusses were delivered.
Yay.
It was freezing (you may remember?) and we were excited to be able to get started ... but the cold deterred us from doing more than clearing space near the slab for the delivery of the trusses.
The next day, owners of a nearby restaurant called.
Their building had been for sale for over a year and they heard we had expressed interest back in the fall (are you following this timeline?). At that time there was another interested party and they were looking like they were going to buy the building. But that had fallen through.
Were we still interested?

This was February.
I told Ren Man I was pregnant and couldn't make the decision.
But it wouldn't hurt to go look (keep in mind, this was half way through a pregnancy and at the start of the girls we were fostering starting to transition home - not that there was a lot of emotions going on in general).
So we went to look.
And it looked better inside than out, in my opinion.
And the sellers were motivated.
And the building already had the walls and roof - we would just need to install a floor and we'd have our creamery!
And it's on a main road (unlike our farm), so we could have the farm store there.
Actually, what if we had a farm store with a viewing window to see the cheese-making?
And not just a farm store with our products - but what if we brought in as many local sustainable farm goods?
And there's high speed internet (which we can't get at home) so my dad could telecommute from there instead.
And since we have the space, maybe we should do a coffee shop too - my parents have wanted to do a coffee shop f.o.r.e.v.e.r!
And Ren Man could bake - pies, breads, cookies, pastries ... oooh! And what if we did pizza and local beer on tap too?!!?
And there's nothing in our town currently, apart from a gas station which doubles as a mini-grocery store/pizza joint.
This could be perfect!

We roped my parents in quick and they jumped right in, adding their own enthusiasm to the mix.
We told the owners - YES! - and then contacted a lawyer to get the ball rolling.
We waited months.
And months.
We felt like we couldn't go too public about our intentions because we'd heard rumors that this property had fallen through before a closing happened with other prospective buyers.
Meanwhile, we have trusses sitting in the driveway that can't be returned.
Until finally the closing happened.
We closed at the beginning of May.
We assumed we'd be open by July 15th - after all, we were expecting a baby in the next few months - the middle of July would give us plenty of time to get the building up and ready, birth a baby, and recover from birth.
I remember ripping out three horizontal barn boards that formed part of a half wall we wanted to open up. That exhausted me in my nearly-done-being-pregnant state. So I laid down on a bean bag that had been brought down to the store, specifically for this purpose.
I napped for an hour.
Less than a week later, and when Rye was two days old, I walked into the store and saw the missing barn boards and the bean bag. I laughed at how little I'd done but how big an accomplishment it felt at the time. I also had a huge feeling of dread - what had we done in taking on this project?!

After much structural work, extensive cleaning, and an impressive amount of painting (that I didn't do, because - pregnant), and debating a new business name and agonizing over a logo ...we opened with great anticipation in early September.

:: This is a very quick version of our life this summer to catch you up to speed. This was all very stressful, feeling we were maxing ourselves out and scared out of our minds in terms of not knowing when we could open or how long it would take to feel somewhat comfortable financially again. All this while I was trying desperately to be in baby lala land and Ren Man was desperately trying to get the building ready for opening and my mom (who thankfully has a very light work schedule in the summer) doing a ton of the farm work including milking and momming me, and my dad was trying to juggle the desire to help get the business open as well as his full time job.
We are doing much better now that we're open because all that work is finally being rewarded - but it was intense for several months after Rye's birth.::

And in the end it's kind of perfect. We're having so much fun. Farmhouse Pantry has been open 2 weeks. And yes. It's exhausting. But it's also so so satisfying. And it's getting easier every day.
It's like our whole adulthood we've been trying to create community. And we do. We do it really well. We bring together awesome people and tribes are born. It's a beautiful thing.
But it doesn't pay bills. And yet it's what we spend so much energy doing, unintentionally, because we find it so satisfying. We love seeing people make deep authentic connections with each other. So we foster that. It's amazing stuff.
And now we've figured out how to make it pay bills.
A store.
A cool hippy store that attracts an amazing community.

More than once we've had friends and acquaintances stop in - people we haven't seen for days or months. They would never randomly stop by our house (you usually have to be intentional about coming up to our house because it's off the beaten path). But because we're on the main road and we're "open" - people come. And obviously not just people we know. Lots and lots of really cool people we've never even met before. Our community is growing exponentially.

They come for the amazing coffee, the delicious baked goodness, the authentic farm products - and maybe just for the free wifi, because believe it or not, that's not a common offering in our area.

The creamery is coming too. It's closer to being a reality today than it was yesterday or last week or definitely last year. It's all coming together - even better and richer and fuller than we could have predicted.
Oh, and the trusses are up and the garage framed. So the would-be-creamery at the house is now actually turning into a garage ... without walls or a roof - but that will come too. In time.
That's what this whole process has taught us. It all takes longer than you think. But through that process you appreciate the result oh.so.much.more.

And there's coffee. Really really good coffee.

Pregnancy and what I don't want to forget

Not too much longer now, and unlike with Del's pregnancy, we know the plan is to not get pregnant again. (With Del, we didn't have an opinion either way about whether that would be the last pregnancy or not ... until after she was born).
I always tell photography clients who are seeking a maternity shoot that this time is so relatively short in comparison to life. It's hard to remember looking back that you actually had that baby inside of you and your belly grew to accommodate your baby. It feels long in the present, but it's just not. Pregnancy is fast.
So I'm trying even more so to live in the moment, relishing every pregnant detail.
This time I'm waddling. A first. And it started around 20 weeks gestation. I've realized this has nothing to do with how small or big I am, just how loose my pelvis is.
Everyone comments on how tiny I am. And to be fair, I have a hard time gaining weight (this is largely due to a restricted diet that comes with gestational diabetes. At least, that's my theory. I think of oreos, doritoes, tacos, pasta, etc were part of my diet, it wouldn't be so hard to gain and keep weight on.).
I want to wear a shirt that says: "I'm 8mos pregnant. Yes, really."
And even when people are saying: "you're so small!" - I feel like I look huge. I know "huge" is culturally a negative thing, but not in this case. I can't believe how much my stomach has stretched. I keep feeling amazed that my body has done this!
I can't walk as fast. And I'm often out of breath more quickly.
But I also don't realize how much I'm doing until I sit down and realize my body is tired!
It's harder to squat than last time (say for milking - although I wasn't milking last time, I was faithfully squatting to prepare for birth).
When pregnant, it seems the rest of my body gets smaller, my muscles become more defined, and my belly grows.

This baby seems to be the most active of the three pregnancies.
I try to keep this in perspective - I'm experiencing this pregnancy now, and memories fade. So maybe I'm exaggerating? But I don't think so. They say that babies form a routine in utero and take naps.
I don't think this one naps at all.
Ever.
It's constantly constantly on the move.
You can see it bump, nudge, and rub my belly as my skin moves across my uterus.
And it can be intense. This is a strong person and I'm seeing a lot of heel pushed up against me, I'm guessing.
Even intense movement, I want to remember. How amazing to think there is a person inside of me!

Braxton Hicks are real. This time. And all the books/websites say Braxton Hicks are "mildly noticeable" at worst. That's a lie. They are most definitely noticeable. And if this was a first baby, I'd have been the mom who cried labor multiple times already. The pressure from these contractions wakes me in the night. That's not "mildly noticeable". And if there isn't a bathroom nearby - watch out! The contracting uterus puts intense pressure on my bladder. When we're out and about (say, in the car), this can be awful. I take a deep breath, shocked by the sudden need to empty my bladder, while trying to relax through a Braxton Hicks.
The children find this incredibly funny ... after Ren Man told them the baby finds my bladder and squeezes it and says: "oooh, this is squishy squishy!" So now the children will randomly say to me: "squishy, squishy" in a sing-song voice. As a side note: laughing while trying not to pee is really hard.

This baby has been head down with its back to my right, and feet and hands pushing on my left side. It's not uncommon to get a jab to my bladder, or a head (I presume) rolling across my bladder. Hiccups happen occasionally - maybe once or twice a day. I remember Noah having hiccups and it was painful because it was right under my ribs.

Physically, I feel great overall. Yeah, it's harder to breathe and I'm starving one minute and two bites later feel super full ... only to be starving 20 minutes later. And the gag reflex is still intense at times.

Colostrum happens before the baby comes. I can't believe how full and ready these milk makers look and feel!

The hardest thing about this pregnancy has been diabetes. I'm so so relieved that my numbers have been fine after some weeks where they kept creeping up. I think what made a difference was increasing veggie intake significantly (a large salad a day). I'm sure experience has also helped, I know what works and what doesn't and just hammering that out has been huge. For example, conventional gestational diabetes advice includes a night-time snack - as in, right-before-bed, to decrease the risk of "dawn phenomenon" where your number spikes in the morning. I found that a night time snack doesn't help, and seems to increase my fasting number. So if I'm hungry before bed, I'll eat something small, but my number is lower if I skip the night-time snack.

Diabetes has been so stressful because it limits my diet, making food an obsession. You have to think about every.single.bite and its potential effect. For a few stressful (and tearful) weeks when those numbers kept inching up, it was very frustrating. What more could I do?! If my numbers didn't come back down, insulin talk would begin. If insulin was started, then the homebirth was off the table. And that was very discouraging.
Ren Man started doing (even more) research and found that people on low carb diets will have a sugar numbers without huge swings post-meal. What this means for fasting numbers is that they tend to be higher than the conventional norm. This doesn't mean it's HIGH though, in comparison to the conventionally recommended diabetes diet (that includes carbs).
After seeing this, suddenly my numbers weren't so scary and even started declining into that conventionally expected range (this all refers to fasting numbers as post-meal numbers were always more than okay - they need to be below 140, and were typically below 100). Which speaks highly of the effect stress can have on those numbers!

In light of gestational diabetes, the midwife asked that I see an OB she trusts for a second opinion. I was nervous. An OB!! She ended up being really authentic and as mellow an OB as can be, I'm thinking. She did say she wanted an ultrasound. My feeling is - it shouldn't just be done to be done, there should be a purpose. And the big concern with diabetes is a big baby. I'm measuring over 2 weeks small based on fundal height. But that has wiggle room for inaccuracy - as does everything. Ultrasounds are no different - I've read they can be up to two pounds off. So telling someone they are having a 10lb baby, could really be an 8lb baby ... or a TWELVE lb baby!
The ultrasound happened at 32weeks when the average baby is 3.75lbs. This baby was 3.5lbs. Well, inaccurate or not, it was nice to have an ultrasound show a smaller reading rather than a larger one.

So here are my baby predictions: I think it's a girl, lots of dark hair, hoping for blue eyes, she'll come early (I'm guessing June 13 - the day after our last wedding, or June 21 - the day after our annual solstice party) .... but this baby has been a surprise all along and if it's small then maybe this is the baby that will go past my due date?, she'll be 7.5lbs (smallest baby yet). I'm nervous about how active this baby is! We'll see how that plays out after birth :)

I'm so relieved that we're homebirthing. No matter what, there will be a baby. I know. But the thought of just birthing without having to over think anything (is this it? Or not yet?) or stay on guard to be sure silly things like wearing your own clothes or eating when you're hungry can happen.

Is there anything else I'm going to forget about pregnancy? It's hard (and I had forgotten that) and it also feels so empowering. I'm growing a person. I'm going to birth a person. Our family will grow. And my diabetes sugar numbers are awesome.

Returning empties. Grr.

Let's start by saying that my dad is an all around great guy.
But he has this thing, this "addiction", you could call it, and it's a bit maddening.
It could be worse.
It's not smoking after all.
It's Pepsi.
It's kind of a security thing. He always has a bottle with him when out and about and goes through about a bottle a day.

We're clearing out the "not-garage" and there are five bags of empties - or there were - mostly pepsi bottles.
The whole cleaning-out-the-not-garage is overwhelming. There is an awesome wooden chair we've had since forever ago, a kite, some camp chairs, various summer outdoor toys, some tools, etc ... and also these five bags.
I can do the five bags.
That would be huge.
So I load up the bottles into the back of the van.
My dad had suggested I bring them to the local redemption outfit in conjunction with driving Child F. to preschool.
We have no restaurant, grocery store, or bank - but we have a redemption center.

So on Monday I pick up Child F. and go a little out of our way on the way home to drop off the empties.
Only to find that the redemption place isn't opened on Mondays.
It's a small squat building painted red with a laundromat attached. It's dwarfed by the neighboring Methodist Church.

Grumble grumble.

On Tuesday I arrived with Child F. and found the front door unlocked. There were overpriced dusty bags of chips and a carpet that let's just say I was thankful to be wearing shoes. There was no one at the register, but I could see a small women at the back organizing many many bags of bottles.

"Hi," I began, "I have empties - where should I bring them?"
"How many bags do you have?" she asked.
"I'm not sure," I replied.
She looked around at the small mounds of bags surrounding her on the concrete floor and rough plywood tables.
"They have to be in clear bags," she informed me, "Are they in clear bags?"
"I don't know," I said, "I can check."
"And if there's glass, they can't be in the bag - they have to be in a box."
"Oh," I said, feeling less than confident about this transaction.
"Why don't you see how many bags you have and if they are clear," she suggested. "You can bring them to this door and I'll get you cardboard boxes to put your glass in."
"Okay," I replied, feeling hopeful.
In the van I discovered that there were 5 bags to be precise, white garbage bags with a mix of plastic and glass bottles.
I returned through the front door and reported my findings. After glancing at the bags in the store I said: "They aren't clear bags, they are like those ones," I pointed to be clear.
"Oh, as long as I can see through them, that's fine," she assured me. Phew. "How many bottles are there?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said, surprised at the expectation that I should know this information.
The woman looked uncertainly again around the room. "Well, I can't get to them right now ... maybe tomorrow morning. Leave your name and number and I can call you when I'm ready," she said.
"Okay, thanks," I responding, feeling certain that this was was not worth it.

It's impossible to fit all I need to fit into the van with the children when I need to bring them to their weekly visit - the only time I would be near another return-your-bottles-here option (a grocery store?). But I have a foster-training I need to go to with enough time between the visit and training to drop the girls off and switch cars. So I transfer all of the bags to the other car.

After a quick drop off of kids (one of whom was pretty sick, another one almost-sick, and all of the kids begging me not to leave (Del's exact words were: "you stay with us more, so tell them Daddy has to go instead of you!")) I made it to the training only 5 minutes late. Not bad. And there's free pizza. Yay.

The training ends, I talk to all the people who will let me (adult interaction is limited at times, and these are those times ;) )
I noticed that Target had a return station, so I try there first. It's closed. Grr.

Price Chopper is a short distance away and open 24 hours. So I head there. I lug the first two bags in and begin inserting the bottles. All the lids need to be off, a sign informs me. The bottles are all capped. I dutifully remove every cap, burning my hand with the friction. After a dozen, I give up on following the rules and just place them gently in the receptacle (you can't throw them, the machine informs me, even when I want to argue and say that I didn't throw!). I remember that I've seen others use a cart to move their many empties and I know I can only carry two bags at once and still have three more to go.
I find an empty cart and fill it with my remaining bags and ramp up the sketchy. I choose a different machine, hoping it's more tolerant of my throwing placing gently. I'm feeling slightly embarrassed realizing that it's not going to look so good if one of farm customers sees me returning five bajillion soda bottles!
But it's late, and the store is empty, more or less.
Most people probably choose to frequent the grocery store during daylight hours, at least this time of year.
Finally, finally all the bottles the machine will accept (they are ornery, these machines!) have been swallowed up by the machine. I print my receipt. Between the glass bottles and plastic ones (they have to go in different machines) and my two-trips-to-the-receptacles, I have five receipts. I do some quick addition and the grand total is $9.70.
It costs us approximately $8/round trip to go into town - town where the grocery stores, banks, and restaurants are.
One day, a long time ago, say 20 years ago, that was a decent amount of money. In the future, I will inform my father that his soda habit is going to cost him an extra .5/bottle. It's worth it to me to have the convenience of tossing the empty in the recycling bin at our house!
But I'm here, so I might as well bring the receipts to the service desk.
The lights behind the service desk are off.
I see the hours sign.
The service desk is not opened 24hours.
It's a warm dark night and it's time to go home.

p.s. In an ideal world I'm going to discover a beverage recipe that replaces my dad's desire for Pepsi. If I can find the time. And maybe maybe if I put it in a Pepsi bottle, that will help. Because Coke doesn't do it. He's specific.
In case you're interested, here's the first recipe I want to try.

p.p.s. I'm trying to blog, honestly. This post took no less than 4 days of me writing here and there. Busy life, you bet!

Multi-generational questions answered

In response to Our Routine, a reader asked:

I am curious as to how in a multigenerational living situation you divide up household chores like cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping. Are those tasks assigned, do people do their own laundry, cleaning or cooking? Are they shared tasks. Did you figure out how you were going to manage those things before you even started or did the plan more or less evolve as you went along?

Cleaning: I think we all maintain, picking up where needed. I think this falls to me most because I'm the one in the house most - I feel that's fair since I'm physically present in our home so much. My mom will often vacuum on the weekends. My dad very often will do the dishes after dinner, but lately his work schedule has shifted so he works until 7pm so he doesn't get to them as often. My mom will also regularly do a big kitchen clean.



Laundry: I do the laundry for myself, Ren Man, our children, and most of the household whites (it just tends to be whites - like dishtowels). My parents do their own laundry. Generally there isn't an issue with someone needing the washing machine and it being unavailable. But this does happen on occasion and I just breath down the neck of whatever parent is using the machine. I try to not do any laundry on the weekends because I know this is when my parents have more time to catch up with things like laundry. Ren Man will do laundry when needed, but it generally falls to me. I'm happy with this arrangement because while I was a nursing momma I did little to no laundry (mostly because we made a deal that if we cloth diapered, he'd do the laundry - and it was a big priority for him that I breastfeed). I tend to do several loads in a day and then have the bad habit of leaving the last load in the dryer for the following day. But then I forget about it. So quite often one of my parents will fold that last load.



Cooking: This varies. I tend to do the cooking when Ren Man is at work and then 1 or 2 other nights a week. Ren Man does most of the other cooking. My mom gets in cooking "moods" and then will make several meals in a row with fun recipes she's excited to try out. I try to finagle it so she's cooking on nights Ren Man isn't home.



Grocery Shopping: My mom does most of the grocery shopping because she's in town every day and will often call to see if we need anything. We don't need a ton of groceries so there are weeks or a month that will go by without needing any groceries. We also tend to order things in bulk through the nearest co-op or through Wholeshare. As far as who pays for groceries - whoever does the grocery shopping pays.

We didn't pre-plan who would take what role. It evolved pretty quickly in to this routine. If someone is busy with another task - like when Ren Man was working (4)12 hour days this summer, I did a lot more cooking and so did my mom. We were both home more. It works when everyone is thinking: "I see this needs to be done, I'll do it".

Our Routine

I asked on facebook if anyone had any blog-topic ideas ... because my writing fuel is running low after this recent sprint. AJ asked about a daily schedule. Every day is a little different so here's a very boring post about our weekly routine - that often is thrown out the window for various reasons. But in general ....

Sunday - Ren Man works all day. He gets up in the "middle of the night" and leaves (in theory) by 7:30 or so to get to work - a 45minute commute. He works at a retirement community - I guess is the best description - cooking. He loves it. He was working full time over the summer (remember the summer where I had 4 kids and was farming full time and 2 of the kids needed constant supervision despite their 4-5yr old status?). That was intense. For all. So he's working 2 days a week and happy with that.
The first kid usually wakes up a few minutes after 7 (and it's usually Child F.). She gets up, pottys, and goes downstairs to wait for me to bring her clothes. I get up, get myself dressed, in contacts, and by then another kid or two is awake. When everyone is awake I get clothes for Child F., Child D. and Baby E. and they get dressed downstairs in front of the fire. Then everyone has their hair brushed and then breakfast. Usually oatmeal or granola. The kids then play and I get on the computer and/or do laundry/cleaning/dishes. Around 10 Baby E. starts getting pretty fussy. Lately I've been trying to hold her off on a nap. At 11, I start lunch for the younger two and then they go down for naps. Then it's lunch-making for the older 3. They have strict instructions to stay quiet while the younger two are napping.
When the younger two wake up, they get a snack along with the older 3. Then it's outside for farm chores. Next is dinner making, then bed for the younger 3 and then bed for the older 2.

Monday - Ren Man works all day again. Same morning routine except at 7:30 I leave to bring Child F. to school. Usually at least one of the two younger kids are also with me and often Del wants to come along too. If either of the younger two are still asleep, I try to leave them home with my dad, who doesn't start work until 10am.
Back home we'll do what we do on Sunday mornings, except without Child F. I try to get some farm chores done while the younger two are sleeping (but it's a little early for afternoon chores, so I can't do all of them). I also make sure to wash the milker that Ren Man leaves while the younger two are napping. Whoever is awake when I leave at 1:30 to pick up Child F., is welcome to come. The rest stay with my dad, who has a lunch break from 2-3pm. When I get back from picking up Child F. I finish chores. Then inside to make dinner (although lately my mom has been bringing home takeout on Monday nights), dinner, bed. Ren Man often stays up late late this night because he's prepping for his Tuesday class and hasn't had time before now.

Tuesday - Usual morning routine but Ren Man brings Child F. to school on his way to a local college where he adjuncts one class. He picks her back up at the end of her day and comes home. Usually he does afternoon chores on Tuesday. Tuesdays I tend to do laundry. Not on purpose, it just happens that way.

Wednesday - Same as Monday in the morning, except Ren Man is home so I don't always bring extra kids to drop Child F. off. Ren Man does all of the farming on Wednesdays. When I pick Child F. up at 2pm from school, I have 3-5 kids with me. I drive them to town, drop off farm deliveries quickly on my way to the dss office so the younger 3 can have their visit with their parents. During that time we do errands around town - run to the bank, groceries, avoid target because it sucks me in, and as a big treat - the library! I always leave strict instructions for Ren Man to have chores and dinner done by the time we get home. This rarely happens. He's usually still in the barn. And I'm stressed about getting a dinner thrown together.

Thursday - just like Tuesday.

Friday - just like Wednesday, except no afternoon town run. So it tends to be a very relaxed day. Ren Man often makes cheese, yogurt, and/or butter. If it's a farmer's market week, he's also making bread and sometimes cookies.

Saturday - every other Saturday we have the winter market, so Ren Man goes to that. On the off-Saturdays it's a down day. Farm chores - and the bigger farm chores that don't need attention every day, but build up over time.


That is the very general overview.

Part of the fostering process in the very beginning is a talk about family rules, routines, and preferences. I explained that we were very laid back and didn't have rules really - just be respectful. And we were often flying by the seat of our pants, so didn't have a set routine.
Then we had our first placement and I figured out quick what chaos was. Kids that we've fostered have no rules, no routines, and no respected preferences. So I figured out our rules and routines quick. Furniture is for sitting on, not for jumping or standing on. We eat at the table. We don't counter surf for food. Etc. We also have a fairly regular routine. We always have. It was just hiding in our "normal". When you're compelled to teach others your family culture, a culture that is so family-specific, you realize the view of your "normal" life from the outside looking in.

Our morning

I heard Child F. wake up and go to the bathroom. I got out of bed to get myself ready and went to get Child D ... who was miraculously still sleeping. Dressed and ready for the day I sent Child F. downstairs in her pjs as usual (much more comfy to get dressed in front of a warm fire). I started quietly choosing clothes for Child F. and heard Child D. call out. I picked up her sleepy body reminding her to be quiet - the baby was still sleeping. I helped her potty and sent her downstairs with my mom who was just emerging from her room, as I heard the baby wake up. I went and smiled to the baby who babbled happily and wiggled like crazy in excitement. Then she turned her body over and started peeking at me through her crib as I rounded up 3 sets of clothes from 3 dressers for 3 girls. Downstairs, with Child E. (the baby) and clothes in hand, I instructed the two older girls to shed their pjs and started the job of keeping outfits straight and girls more-and-more clothed.
"Car ride?" Child D. asked.
A day where Ren Man is off to work for 10 hrs after morning chores means a day I bring Child F. to school ... which means I usually bring at least Child D. and E with me and often Del ... unless the younger two are still sleeping and then I whisk off quick and leave the sleeping kids with my dad. On other days, one of us usually takes Child F. by herself. Child D. is always excited about car rides ... until about 10 minutes in to the ride. And the school is about 20 minutes away.
But some days she has to come and at least initially she's excited.
"Yep!" I assure her.
"Car ride!!" she says, picking up the pace on getting dressed.

Ren Man almost runs in from chores, he's had a busy morning and his day has just started.
"I moved Toppy" (a pregnant-and-soon-to-farrow-pig), he said, "she seems to have filled out more" (meaning her milk seems to be coming in - a sign that she could be close).
"Okay, great," I replied.
"I think we should set up a heat lamp for her," he continued.
"Yeah, good idea," I replied - we've lost two litters this winter, presumably to the cold. They were small litters to first time moms. Toppy is on her 3rd litter, she's a good mom, and will likely have 7+piglets. We'd like them to live.
"But I don't think we can spare a heat lamp from the chicks," he says.
I agree.
"I want her to have it as soon as possible though so she can move her nest to the lamp," he says.
"Okay, so you want me to stop at the farm store on my way home today?" I ask - it's a day we have farm deliveries and other errands planned.
"Yeah," he replies.
My dad rushes in to the room.
"Wait!" he says, "Josh is going to work? And you're going to drop off Child F.?"
"Yes," I reply a little confused.
"I need to leave right now to go to the doctors, my appointment is at 9" he says anxiously. It takes me a second to figure out why he's distressed.
We have 3 cars between us and 4 people expecting to drive this morning.
"You didn't tell me that," I say frustrated.
"I DID! Yesterday. Twice," he counters.
It's true. Twice. Yesterday.
"I'm sorry," I say, "I thought you were talking about Thursdays vet appointment," I say - the cat that the vet told us 2mos ago had a flea issue, but then failed to pull more than a few flea eggs from the cats fur. Even so, the cat received an antibiotic and started a regular flea treatment. But the cats worse, with open sores all around his neck. So a vet appointment is scheduled for tomorrow.
But today my dad has a doctor's appointment.
"Well, why don't you drop off Child F. on the way to your doctors," I say.
"The doctors is in the opposite direction and I can't drop Child F. off before 8pm, can I?" he asks.
"It's not a big deal to be 10 minutes late or whatever," I say, "doctors always are."
"But they don't like it when you're late," my dad replies.
"I think if you get Child F. to the school for 8am, you should get to the doctors by 9am okay," Ren Man says.

So plans are changed.
And Child D. is sad.
"Car ride!!" she demands, near tears.
"I know it's hard," says Child F. and reaches to give Child D. a hug.
And I smile. On the inside. So often Child F. seems to have no empathy. And here she is saying exactly what I have said a million times since we've met. When a child is sad I try to sympathize and give hugs and distractions. And here is Child F. doing just that. There's hope.

But you win some, you lose some. We're constantly teaching our kids, modeling. It's not purposeful - but it should be.

I see less than ideal behaviors in Del that are exactly what she's seen me do. She says "NO!" way more than I'd like - to Child D., mostly. I know I tell Child D. "NO!" firmly ... but always after multiple attempts at gentler communication or when she is in dire danger. Del feels the need to pull out a "NO!" when Child D. is doing something Del perceives as dangerous or very wrong, but in the adult world, it's not THAT big of a deal. But Del can't differentiate. So it seems the option is to explain to Del why this is not appropriate child-to-child interaction OR lessen my "NO!" occurrence - or a combination of both. I know how Del feels. I felt that way too. My parents needed me to help parent - at least that's how it felt. Del and I have talked about this, but that need to parent/care for/control those around you is so hard to ignore.

Hawkin' a Loogie: A Secret How to

 

I've been sick.
This is the second time this winter.
And that's just crazy.
I literally did.not.ever get sick before kids entered the scene.
And ever since I those babies showed up with their big eyes and pudgy cheeks I'm usually sick at least once a year.

So I got some advice from Noah as I horsed out my words while reading Life of Fred insisting that today we really would only be able to do one chapter.
"Mom," he said. "I know what to do to make your voice better."
"You do?" I asked all husky and barely audible.
"Yeah, you just do this: *draws a bunch of saliva into his mouth loudly* and den dis" he says with his mouth full of saliva.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Then sometimes there's a thing in your mouth," he explained, "and you spit it out .... it's like what Ugug (my brother) does all the time."
"Oh, okay" I replied, not sure what to do next.
Then he lowered his voice and said: "I figured that out by myself but this is the first time I've ever told anyone."

Oh! The secrets mothers are told ....

Joy

 

My mom recently pointed out that I seemed stressed all.the.time ... not joyful.

I answered defensively very maturely and explained rationally that I often don't see her until the end of the day and life is stressful. Figuring it all out is not easy.

I felt frustrated at feeling like I needed to defend someone else's perception of my emotions.

I feel joyful.
I think.
Don't I?

And if she's my mom, she knows me pretty well. So maybe she was on to something.

So I started thinking through the small moments that give me joy.

And also found myself feeling like I had permission to slow down and enjoy life more.
It is okay to sit down for five minutes.
Most importantly, it is okay to hang out with kids with no agenda.
I think I often feel like time with our kids isn't "productive" enough.
But then I feel guilty and frustrated for not spending enough time with them ... and wanting MORE kids.

I would still argue that my life is joyful, but I'm not always conscious of it. Instead there is the oppressive stress of moving forward, making progress, being decisive.

So I put my brain to work, ignoring all the stressful decision making I want to work through, and focused on joy.
Just that word.

Joy.

And it seemed an appropriate time of year to focus on joy.

When I'm up early for chores I'm so thankful that I was up and outside early enough to see the sunrise. I don't know why the sky thrills me so much - but it does. Every day. And an early morning is not hard to catch this time of year. I love the pre-sunrise dram of the sky. And the bright orange as it hits the barn window and I know the sun has just crested the horizon.

When I'm making and buying presents I'm thankful that we have what we have and suppress the part that wishes for more.

When we're enjoying a meal I'm thankful that so much of our food comes from a season of growing on our farm.

When our children beg us to stay in bed in the morning and snuggle I'm thankful they still would prefer to sleep in our bed than their own. I'm thankful that we have time on most mornings to hang out and don't need to rush into our day (despite aforementioned farm chores).

When my mom points out a concern, I'm thankful we are one of the lucky few in our culture that get such day-to-day contact with my parents.

When the phone rings and it's not a call saying there's a child that needs a home, I'm thankful that parents in our community are able to provide for their children in their own homes.

When the office is a mess, I'm thankful for a husband that can see the big picture and not get overwhelmed by the details of cleaning up.

When it's cold outside, I'm thankful that I have snow pants to wear over my clothes while doing chores. It means I can be a little sloppy with water and mess because the ice cold water won't get to my clothes underneath.

When we have lifestyle differences with friends, I'm thankful to feel affirmation in our choices, even if someone else wouldn't make the same choices.


It's not all easy. There are day-to-day frustrating details. But overall, I am choosing to live this life with all its pros and cons. The next step is to choose to focus on the pros and minimize the cons - even if it's just in my own brain.

What small daily details bring your joy?

Multi Generational Living

 

Lppick suggested a post on multi generational living: the blending of two families.

I don't really feel qualified to discuss this as we've tried it.
It hasn't worked.
And we're jumping into a multi generational living situation again.
I like to think that this time is different.
It also helps me sleep at night.
To think that this will work.

Here are some items we have felt are important and discussed at length as a family group:

• All sides are being as honest as possible in the most respectful way possible.
  
• Everyone feels that this is "really" the other couple's home - AND we don't want the other couple to feel like they are just guests.
  
• This is something both couples have wanted for 7+ years ... we've been this close to moving in together two previous times then decide that it's not practical - now it is!
  
• All individuals are comfortable discussing tough stuff with each other respectfully
  
• Our values, lifestyles, and goals are similar
  
• There is a "get out" plan*
  
• The house has two full bathrooms
  
• There is some separation to the bedroom areas
  
• Every person has an area they excel at - an awesomeness they add to the household (Ren Man cooks, Poobah (my dad) is a homesteading enthusiast, Nina (my mom) is patient and generous, and I'm the aggressive domineering natural leader. See? It's perfect - as long as everyone folds to my bossy ways ;)
  

*a friend was emphatic that a get out plan was necessary for everyone. Lives change, people change, circumstances change ... what if someone wants out? This was hard to talk about because right now everyone is enthusiastic about living together forever. But what if that changes? So we have a tentative get out plan in place. And you know what this conversation did? Made us all realize that this is a choice. It's much easier to live in a situation when you know there is an "out" and it's your choice to live the way you do. So now we're talking paint, shopping for a sectional, and thinking through furniture organization. Suggestions welcome! The cool thing about these detail-y conversations is realizing that our design tastes tend to be similar. Doing a quick google search I found this article that says multi-generational households have increased 40% since 1990. Part of this is due to decrease stigma around multi-generational living. I feel this stigma and want to shout: "we want to share a home with my parents - we don't have to!" But try to remember, it doesn't really matter what other people think, right? And we think this opportunity is so cool and we're so excited to share a home with my parents. Here's another great article about multi-generational living that discusses guidelines as well as benefits for every generartion. We think our kids have a fabulous relationship with all four grandparents and I'm so thankful for that. Living together will create a dynamic in which my parents are even more integral in our children's lives. As the article says, people are made to be part of family groups - we're happy to see our family group grow and happy to that my parents will continue to have a day-to-day family group even after my siblings and I have moved beyond childhood (some of us more than others ;) ).

Anything else we should think about going into this? Any other questions we should address?