Chicken Pox

Let's talk about it.
No.
Ark Boy doesn't have it.
Neither does Farm Girl for that matter.
But it would be okay if they did.
They aren't getting the chicken pox vax (and several others - but we can talk about that later).
The American Academy of Pediatrics has said that the chicken pox vaccine is solely for the convenience of parents - who can afford to miss a week of work?
In addition, the vaccines effectiveness diminishes with time, as do all vaccines.
As a result all 20 year olds who have been vaccinated against chicken pox will need a booster in order to limit the chances of catching chicken pox/shingles which is much more unbearable and more likely to be deadly at this age.
However, what are 20 year olds doing?
Not many are watching the calendar and thinking: "hmm- 'bout time for that chicken pox booster"
These reasons coupled with the fact that we aren't convinced of vaccine safety we've opted not to give our children this vaccine.
As have several other parents that we are acquainted with.
But this means that it is vital that our children contract chicken pox, ideally, as early as possible.
What is a parent to do?
Enter
Chicken Pox parties.
Seriously.
You've heard of this, right?
If your child has chicken pox you announce it (typically on various forums) and invite local children to come and get infected.
Seems counterintuitive for a parent to want their child to get sick.
But it's essential.
And it's becoming increasingly difficult as more and more children receive this controversial vaccine.
It may seem ridiculous to put your child in harms way but I for one would prefer my children naturally contract the illness which gives them lifetime immunity rather that the alternative (the vaccine).
While I have thought that the vaccine was ridiculous from its inception
the parties seem equally ridiculous
But now Ark Boy is 2 and that's closer to 10 or so- when I'd feel less than comfortable with him having chicken pox.
So should we be scouring the internet for parties?
Evidently there is a yahoo group... but the group fears being shut down due to their... ummm... radical nature (I think not- a parent's got to do what a parent's got to do!).
Then again, at a recent playgroup a mom talked about having someone fedex her child's infected saliva so that she could give it to her son.
Don't think I can go that far...
then again- I never thought I'd consider bringing Ark Boy to a chicken pox party.

A Do-er

Several posts have been created describing my opinion of the situation mothers are placed in routinely (eg isolated at home, seen as somehow inferior, forced to choose between work and home and shunned no matter what choice is made, etc. etc.).
I am not alone in these views.
Every gathering of mothers that I've participated in has led to an impromptu discussion about how this situation is nonsensical.
New moms are confessing that they feel isolated and resentful despite their deepest desire to be a mom.
Moms with preschoolers are confessing that they are relieved their child is off to school but also feeling guilty to feel that relief.
Moms with high schoolers are confessing that the time went too fast and now they are left trying to fill a role that no longer needs filling because they're not sure what else to do with their life.
So everyone is talking about this.
It's not just me.
And it's not just moms.
Dad's- the ones who happen to be married to these moms and come to our house-or we theirs- for some reason- too are talking about this.

My frustration is... I'm a doer.
It's all well and good to write about this problem.
To ponder.
To discuss.
But no resolution is ever made.
It's frustrating.
The only "solution" for now that I can think of is living in a more communal setting.
That could mean living close to family.
Or living close to a friend who is in a similar situation to you.
But that's a big life change.
And doesn't affect the structure of the culture that's created this monster mom situation in the first place.

For now I'll keep talking about it.
Discussing.
Pondering.
Hopefully through this we can come closer to a better situation for people everywhere because
seriously
Our system right now isn't working
and it's offensive
It puts women's needs which are inexorably linked to family's needs second.
Who wins in this situation?
I'm not sure.
I have yet to figure it out.
It's not working.
Let's talk.
Let's talk about a solution- or more realistically- solutionS.
I'm open to change
are you?

Del's 4 month letter

Dear Deli- Deli -Ding- Dong,
You are so fun and have become SOOO much easier this month. I guess there really is a "fourth trimester" and I think we're both thankful to be out of it. I generally hold you to my hip or stomach facing out. Often as I'm trying to have a serious conversation with a neighbor or friend while holding you they-mid sentence- burst into a big grin and talk all silly. It took me a couple times to figure out that you are smiling hugely- sometimes even belly laughing- at people and they can't help but respond!

Grammy, Aunty Chels, and Uncle Shawn came to visit this month for a week or so. You were much more interactive with them than you were last time we saw them. Your grins and giggles are so cute. You've also started talking- a lot- VERY loud. I guess that makes sense because your crying has also always been loud. Sometimes people think you are protesting with that loud voice but really you're just telling the world stories. You love talking and interacting with your big brother if he'll stop long enough to talk and play with you.
We got you on mommy's back successfully this month... with a happy face.... for about five minutes. I guess we'll stick to front carries for now. You aren't always a big fan of babywearing though. Yesterday we went for a walk that ended up being very short because you were tired and wanted to be home- at least that's my guess- because as soon as we got you home and in the swing you were asleep in less than 30 seconds. The day before, however, we went shopping with Nina and you fell asleep in a mei tai. People commented in the store about how little you are but I just see you growing and changing every day that you don't seem so little to me anymore.

While Grammy, Aunty Chels, and Uncle Shawn were here we went to the beach. It was your first beach trip ever. You were not too excited about going in the water. I think the water was too cold and the sun a little too bright. You spent most of the day relatively happy in a rinsling on mommy. When you were getting too cranky for words mommy wrapped you up and walked in the surf with Grammy while you took a nap.


You found your thumb this month which has been interesting because you often fall asleep with a thumb in your mouth instead of breastfeeding to sleep. We've also gotten much better about EC'ing this month. You don't tend to give signals about pooping so interestingly we're catching more pees than poops. I hope I'm able to get more in tune- right now I think our biggest challenge is that you have an older brother.

Speaking of that... I often feel so bad that you don't get the same parenting your brother had. You cry a lot more than he did and I wonder if that's just you or if that is because you are the second baby? I don't know. I try not to let the mommy guilt plague me too too much. I think that perhaps you are *normal* meaning you cry, eat, sleep etc. at regular intervals. Your brother, on the other hand, rarely cried but we never knew whether we were coming or going with him:) I also remind myself that you are so lucky to have a sibling- and an older brother at that. I always wanted an older brother....
Anyway, you're letting your opinion be known on my lap, so must be off.
Love you always,
Mommy

Pushed

Everyone and their brother should read this book... and their mother, sister, father, husband, friend... well, everyone!
I'm not exaggerating at all.
This book is obviously particularly pertinent if you plan on ever having a baby or perhaps plan on knowing someone who will have a baby.
What's shocking about the information in this well written and researched book is that so many (I would argue 99%) of people take what the medical community says as truth never questioning them.
This is sad.
Truly.
I have had two wonderful births.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
I can't ever go back a re-do my births- and in comparison to most I had amazing births!- but if I can help anyone else start a little further along on the road to informed consent BEFORE entering the dizzying world of maternity care then it's been worth the ride so far.
What adds to my concern around these issues is the fact that even women who are actively seeking information still often end up under the knife.
At a recent playgroup that is geared towards Mothering parents, a self selected natural living type of parent- 40% of us had had cesareans!
That shocks me.
These are women who are typically proactive in their maternity care and very pro natural everything- and yet 40% had c-sections!
As with all discussions about maternity care and the dismal state it is in in our country I feel compelled to insert a disclaimer reassuring all that yes- c-sections have their place and thank goodness they are available for those that truly need them- but 40%?!?!
No.
40% of American women are not somehow unable to birth children naturally.
That's impossible.
Our species would die out.
It makes absolutely no sense.
And it's not just c-sections.
It's routine fetal monitoring, the flat on your back position, the routine IV, the expectation that you WILL need some sort of pain killer... the list goes on and on.
Never mind the interventions that immediately follow births across the country performed on mother and baby with little to no information given to parents describing the risks and benefits.
The fact that the majority of births are attended by ob's in this country is frightening.
Ob's are surgeons.
They perform surgery.
And they are very good at it.
In a good way (I'm not trying to be facetious).
In light of the fact that they are surgeons they should not be asked to administer to a woman in labor.
Labor is generally a long process that is on the mother's and baby's timetable.
Unfortunately doctors have a timetable too and two don't always mesh.
Being in the care of an ob when experiencing a normal pregnancy is scary.
I'm not exaggerating.
It frightens me.
The idea of seeing an ob for a normal pregnancy.
And yet the majority of women in this country see obs.
And what's more frightening- the sensible alternative- which should in fact be the norm- not the alternative- the midwife- is often illegal!
I should stop.
I could go on for days.
But the book has already been written.
Read it.
Everyone.
If you need me to buy it for you- I will.
Better yet, borrow it from your library.
I did.
Well- I borrowed it from my library to be honest- but yours will hopefully have a copy also.
It was so good.
I bought it.
So if you need a copy- I have one.
Read it.

Alumni Event

Spiffy invitation arrived in mail promising casual family cookout
at the home of someone who lives in a very expensive town
casual
yeah right
Nervous, convinced we'd be the youngest alum
Decided to attend anyway

Cookout was catered
By company Ren Man is working for over the summer
Ren Man has inside scoop:
58 adults
10 children
ribs, potato salad, pasta salad, chicken, hotdogs

Arrived at insanely large house
Rang bell
Knocked on door
No answer
Peeked around one side of house
Spotted tent through windows on other side of house
Walked around to front of house
Spotted a man who looked like the new president of alma mater
He said "hi" and waited with me while I waited for Ren Man and Ark Boy to catch up
Commented on Farm Girl's cute-ness
Ren Man caught up
President introduced himself to Ren Man and shook his hand before turning to me
Made huge conscious effort to keep jaw from hitting ground
Resolved never to donate to college
Very offended

Walked to tent
Ark boy spotted water
Yes, the house was on the water
make that the ocean
Ark Boy walked purposefully across enormous lawn to stand on dock
Felt very isolated sitting in corner of tent
and young
too young and unsure to socialize
Ren Man came back towards tent signing "potty"
Gave Ren Man diaper/wipes and he took Ark Boy to car to change him
Meanwhile two families with kids arrived
Felt ridiculous standing in corner of tent with wrapped Farm Girl and no one else around
Perhaps I appear unapproachable
Impossible to imagine
Can think of no better explanation

Finally Ark Boy and Ren Man return and Ark Boy discovers swing set that is now being utilized by other children.
Strike up conversation with a couple
Very friendly
Discuss mutually agreed upon importance of avoiding daycare
Wife agrees that it's hard to be isolated and solely responsible for offspring and childrearing
Feel reassured about being at alumni event with sexist president at intimidatingly expensive house
Dinner is served
Sit with another family

"Do you work?" Asks mom.
What am I to say?
"Yes, I work 24/7 with no weekends or holidays but I think it's worth it"
In reality I say: "I just finished my masters, now I'm staying home"
So short answer is "no"
but why?
Work much longer harder hours than ever when working at a "real" job
But my "job" doesn't count
Can't resist
Ask: "Do you work?"
"No (sounding ashamed *shock* despite the 3 sons sitting with her).... I started making handmade stationary but it's only out of my home"
Reply enthusiastically about her stationary business
She self depreciates
argh
Few minutes later when speaking with Ren Man she refers to a job she has (that's right- "haS" not "haD" at a local University
Dumb

Later speak with Dad of yet another family
Again we talk of challenges of raising a family/ mom staying at home etc.

Interesting that these women- all with at least Bachelors- are choosing to stay home
and yet also feeling somewhat ashamed and restricted by this decision

Mommy brain (The price of being *just* a mom part II)

I resist and resent the term "Mommy Brain"
As if being a mommy deserves a new definition of "brain"
a lesser brain than the average
I managed to keep my regular brain status intact throughout my first pregnancy and baby
When the second pregnancy started... the so called mommy brain kicked in
much to my annoyance
I'm constantly forgetting things
mid sentence
this is incredibly frustrating
evidently it's because mommies multi task
makes sense
So shouldn't a "Mommy Brain" be seen as superior
Not synonymous with that flighty forgetful person with sloppy hair who hasn't bothered to shave for weeks?
But no.
Mommies aren't superior
They never are
Mommies are looked down on
Not sure why
Everyone has one
Maybe that's the problem
There are so many they are a dime a dozen?
Is that it?

So I apologize if I forget this or that detail
But I applaud myself for keeping track of one independent and very mobile toddler while keeping an infant satisfied (usually) and my sanity intact (for the most part).
And I try very hard to recognize the great-ness that is my mom self and ignore all of the people that seem to look down on my mom status or seem impatient with me as I forget the story I was trying to tell...again.
But then maybe I'm not looked down upon?
Maybe this is a reflection of my own insecurity in my role as a mother and reflects how I have felt about mothers in the past?
I hope not.

I hope that I am putting a positive spin on motherhood for the mothers that will follow me.
I hope other women and girls see a confident and happy woman when they see me.
I hope they see breastfeeding as normal.
I hope they see normal birth as normal (and yes- I meant to call it a "normal birth").
I hope they see that responding to baby's cries immediately is normal.
I hope I live up to these expectations and instead don't come across as the harried frantic mother of two who is completely overwhelmed- that I sometimes feel
although it's getting better
and better

In laws are coming!

The inlaws are coming!
The inlaws are coming!
Feel like I have so much to do.
Know they won't care.
I care.
Baby crying.
Must clean.

Toy Vacation

We rotate toys.
We do!
Okay- so we haven't rotated toys since we moved
2 months ago
and our in use toy amount is becoming excessive
and everytime I stumble on yet another toy left out I think: "argh! I hate kids!"
which we all know just isn't true

At a weekly playgroup we go to one of the moms was talking about rotating toys (in response to the question of what to do with the dreaded unwanted toys that people insist on getting your children)
She rotates her toys every 3 days
She only puts out 2 toys
wow

But how great to have that many fewer things to trip over
Generally I keep the toys packed away that have lots of pieces to them (like the wooden blocks) because they drive me crazy!
So they never get used.
Maybe we could do just 3 toys- maybe 4
Yes, 4 sounds good.
So I started packing up toys and realized
I'm addicted
That's right
I'm addicted to Ark Boy's toys
I don't play with them
but I really like the idea of him playing with them
All of them
All the time
In reality it doesn't happen
So I packed up all of the toys
Well
Almost
I left out his cardboard blocks because:

• the thought of carrying a million of them up to storage was daunting
• they are stored neatly under the coffee table
• he doesn't remember that they are under there anyway

I also left out his animals because he just recently got them and my mom is bringing him more and more and more... and they're just plain fun.
And the only other thing I left out was a sesame street doll house thing that was his aunts and I only recently brought it back into circulation.
Everything else is packed up.
For new toys I brought out his drum and a lady bug push toy.
I hope I can keep this up.
Less toys.
Good.
I can't wait to see Ark Boy's face when he sees the "new" toys that are out.

Sun snippets

A couple days ago we were eating dinner on the front porch.
Me: Our whole family is here! You are the big brother (pointing to Ark Boy) and this is the sister (pointing to Farm Girl)
Ren Man(pointing to Ark Boy): and you're the son
Ark Boy (pointing to sun): SUN!
Ren Man: No, S-O-N
_______________________________________________
Last night Ark Boy told friends: "Sun off! Moon on!"

Reflection

Went summer clothes shopping.
Love shopping.
Hate consumerism.
Sad that I love shopping.
Bought lots of cute things.
Trying to re-vamp wardrobe.
Bored with t-shirt and jeans look.
Feel immature at park with jeans and t-shirt trying to mingle with better dressed moms.
Try not to care.
Feel it only perpetuates "mommy wars".
Care non the less.
Plus, love to shop.
New clothes are cute.

While trying on clothes become quite confused.
My size ranges between various clothes FROM THE SAME COMPANY.
Must try on everything to ensure fit.
Would prefer to just grab cute-right-sized clothing as shopping with children requires speedy shopping.
But clothes vary too much in size.
Try on everything.
Convenient full length mirror in changing room.
No full length mirror at home.
Plus don't frequently have time to see self naked.
See naked self (really underwear-ed self) in mirror.
Shocked.
There is a pudgy belly.
Remind self that baby is only 3months old.
Remember that stomach quickly receded post baby #1- didn't expect to still have pudge.
But it's second baby.
Belly can't be expected to revert to non-stretched look when it keeps getting stretched.
Annoyed that baby bearing mommas bodies are not worshiped.
They should be!
Try to love belly.
Remember lovingly that two babies grew in there!
Women are amazing.
Despite this decide never to birth another child.
Try clothes on.
Clothes very cute.
Look great.
Hear baby talking with her grandmother.
Decide more kids are worth it.
Maybe.
Briefly fantasize about dream home birth.
Yes, more babies- at least one... no maybe two.... can I stop at two more?
Well, decide to wait until baby is older and we have adopted at least one.
Good plan.
Buy clothes.
Love them.

Dear Ark Boy 26 months

Dear Bug-a-Boo,

It's hard to believe that you are a full fledged two year old. How did that happen? You seem to be talking more and more every day and you come out with the funniest things. Last night there were fireworks going off close enough to our house that we could see them out of your bedroom window as you were being put to bed. All today you've been talking about the "Mommy Fireworks" and "Baby Fireworks". I'm nervous that tonight you'll expect a repeat performance.In the last couple weeks the "Two Year Old's Guide to Being Two" has evidently arrived in the mail- unbeknownst to me- and you've apparently been studying it in all your spare time. You have had a couple "temper tantrums"- if you can call them that. You push your face up against the wall or the arm chair and cry inconsolably. It's very sad. Sometimes I know why you are upset but usually it isn't very clear. When you're done you often say: "Noah sad! Sad eyes!"

You've also become quite the jokester. Just today you pointed to my leg and said: "Noah leg" and pointed to your leg and said "Mommy leg" and then gave me this mischievous grin like you'd just shared the funniest joke.



You love love your friend Emmie. It's so wonderful seeing the two of you develop such a fun friendship. I'm so so thankful that you know Emmie and that you have this life-long history with her. It's also wonderful to see how comfortable you are with her mom, Kate and how important Kate and Mike are to you. Emmie's brother, Baby Chase, has made a big impression on you too. It'll be interesting to see how the relationships develop between all four of you kids.
When Emmie came over last time we filled the pool for the two of you to go swimming. The water was VERY cold but you two insisted on going in anyway. Emmie kept saying: "Naked bodies!" and you kept repeating her even though I don't think you know what you were saying. Now every time I say "naked bodies" you say: "Emmie do it! Naked bodies!"



Your role as big brother fits you perfectly in that it is hard for me to remember a time when Farm Girl wasn't part of our lives- but it's probably even harder for you to remember. In your world she seems like only a minor character and has little impact on your life in any overt way. She loves to watch you and laugh and talk at you. You think she's pretty funny but she doesn't entertain you for long. Lately you've been asking saying: "Del lap!" or "Del Daddy" or "Del bouncy seat" when you want to sit on Mommy's lap. Often I'm holding our baby because she needs milk. When I explain that to you you say: "Daddy milk!".




Last night you asked to wear Farm Girl. I was so excited to see what would happen. I ran to get a mei tai ("Grampy cow!" according to you) and strapped Farm Girl to your back. At one point you tipped backwards. I guess 14+lbs is too heavy for my 30+lber. I promised you that you'd be big enough to wear the next baby whenever it comes.



We have had a tough month or so because Daddy is working crazy hours this summer. Thankfully Nina has been coming down every weekend to spend a night. You love love Nina and you're so cute when you talk about her. I think you think she lives with us and from time to time goes to visit "Pooba's House".
Next week Grammy, Uncle Shawn, and Aunt Chelsea are coming to visit. You are too excited. I thought about not telling you until closer to the day but we'll be getting our "green car" back so I thought I should warn you that the van will be leaving. When I told you about their upcoming visit you got so excited and started jumping up in down and asked: "Grampy?!?!" I explained that he had to stay home with the cows. Now you keep saying: "Grammy, Uncle Shawn, Aunt Chelsea?..... "Grampy stay cows!" You also ask for Great Grampy to come visit when you see him on "Noah TV". It was hard to figure out how to explain why Great Grampy couldn't come to our "New House".

So evidently I should have started writing you monthly letters a couple years ago because I have so much I want to record- like how you love "Darren" (really Jared) and his "white dog" from next door, how you weed with me in the garden by picking up dirt and shaking it in your hand, how you call smoothie's "yogurt", how you love bike rides and walks and just being outside, how you call your rain boots "Emmie Boots" because Emmie has the same pair and you call your red crocs "Nina's shoes" because I told you she bought them for you.... see, I could go on forever. But your baby sister is fussy so I must make myself stop.

Love you bunches and bunches,
Mommy

routine schmoutine

Me?
oh, I'm very type A
Very
Laid back?
Sure-that's-me-I'm-laid-back-and-type-A-why -would-you-think-I'm-uptight-why?
At least that's how it was before children (bc)
Now I'm laid back
Seriously
I assumed we would have a routine
I even included a "My Daily Schedule" page in Ark Boy's scrapbook
But no
We have no routine
I wasn't interested in scheduled feedings or in any way putting my schedule on our baby
Ark Boy is super laid back
so we have no routine
Farm Girl... I think she has a routine
When I student taught Ren Man had Ark Boy on a routine and it worked
Well
Today my mom and I talked about the fact that clearly Ark Boy is exhausted if he's falling asleep in such odd places like... the hardwood floor, for instance
So maybe we need a set routine
And he hasn't been going to bed until 9:30pm or later and I feel like I need time after he goes to bed to unwind
So I've been staying up too too late
So 7pm bedtime for him
Good idea
Let's start tonight
When Ren Man comes home we go to the mall to exchange some clothes
On the way home I glance at the clock
6:45pm
Guess we're not starting that 7pm routine tonight
Maybe I should start tomorrow
Not necessarily a routine that is tied to the clock
More: first we do this then we do that
I'll start with just a morning routine and see how we go
Here's the plan
wake up
shower
eat breakfast
Let Ark Boy watch Signing Time
Go for a walk while Farm Girl sleeps in wrap
Come home
Hang out with Farm Girl/Have lunch
Put Farm Girl in swing and hope she sleeps
Insist on putting Ark Boy to sleep

That's the plan
We'll see
I'll try and stick to it for a week and then make adjustments
Hopefully adjustments will include figuring out an afternoon routine
And hopefully this will lead to earlier nights for me
Not 11pm nights where I go to bed starving because I feel like it's too late to eat but I ate last at dinner around 7pm

She did it!

She found her thumb!!! I'm so thrilled. She's been sucking on her fingers and falling asleep that way. This evening she was being a crank pot and I was so frustrated.
Trying bringing both kids outside but that didn't do it.
Decided to change her diaper.
Mid diaper change.... she fell asleep, thumb in mouth.
After I took a picture I put on a diaper and... she stayed asleep! Probably only for 40mins but who cares?

enter to win baby carriers!

Along for the Ride has a summer contest!
Here's what you will win (copied from their website):

Winner will receive the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride. The essential babywearing stash includes one Gypsy Mama Wrap, one Hotslings pouch, one BabyHawk Mei Tai, one Beco Butterfly, and one ZoloWear Ring Sling - in their choice of any in-stock colors or patterns.