Monday, July 7, 2008

Reflection

Went summer clothes shopping.
Love shopping.
Hate consumerism.
Sad that I love shopping.
Bought lots of cute things.
Trying to re-vamp wardrobe.
Bored with t-shirt and jeans look.
Feel immature at park with jeans and t-shirt trying to mingle with better dressed moms.
Try not to care.
Feel it only perpetuates "mommy wars".
Care non the less.
Plus, love to shop.
New clothes are cute.

While trying on clothes become quite confused.
My size ranges between various clothes FROM THE SAME COMPANY.
Must try on everything to ensure fit.
Would prefer to just grab cute-right-sized clothing as shopping with children requires speedy shopping.
But clothes vary too much in size.
Try on everything.
Convenient full length mirror in changing room.
No full length mirror at home.
Plus don't frequently have time to see self naked.
See naked self (really underwear-ed self) in mirror.
Shocked.
There is a pudgy belly.
Remind self that baby is only 3months old.
Remember that stomach quickly receded post baby #1- didn't expect to still have pudge.
But it's second baby.
Belly can't be expected to revert to non-stretched look when it keeps getting stretched.
Annoyed that baby bearing mommas bodies are not worshiped.
They should be!
Try to love belly.
Remember lovingly that two babies grew in there!
Women are amazing.
Despite this decide never to birth another child.
Try clothes on.
Clothes very cute.
Look great.
Hear baby talking with her grandmother.
Decide more kids are worth it.
Maybe.
Briefly fantasize about dream home birth.
Yes, more babies- at least one... no maybe two.... can I stop at two more?
Well, decide to wait until baby is older and we have adopted at least one.
Good plan.
Buy clothes.
Love them.

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