Tuesday, December 17, 2013

This is my dream life

In daydreams as a older kid/teen, this was the future I daydreamed of.
A farm.
More than 4 kids, having adopted many.
Surrounded my family, including my parents.
The children would sleep peacefully at my feet while I wrote and wake up to play with me when I was ready.
And the babies would never grow up.
And there would be a horse.


The daydream and the reality of living that daydream are very different.
It's a lot harder.
Babies don't sleep when it's convenient for you.
Sometimes they just plain don't sleep.
Adoption is not the road we've chosen, with more knowledge and life experience.
The babies grow up.
The horse is too expensive.
There is laundry, dishes, and they keep wanting to be fed!


And it's awesome.
A baby grin or a desperate reach that's just for you.
Babies that grow up to be kids and kids that grow up to be big kids and you get to watch the whole unfolding of a human.
It's amazing how little sleep you NEED.
I never knew.
The horse is still too expensive.


Life is busy and busier.
But it's also peaceful and flowing in a way I feared would never happen, after our last fostering experience.
Child F. has preschool 5 days a week which is nice and a pain.
But it is.
Child D. is talking more and more but is also everything you hear about a 2 year old. I'm just hoping her independence and determination stay with her into adulthood.
Child E. is almost a year old. I'm sad to think of what her mom is missing. For the first time, at her last visit she cried and reached for me when I put her in her parent's arms. It was so hard to walk away, leaving this baby in the arms of a "stranger" - to us. But also so much harder to think that Child E. was now frightened to be left in the arms of her parent. She was extremely excited to see me after her visit ... and so was Child D. Their life is so short and they've spent a large chunk of that time with us - in "kid time".


The kids all love coloring and playdough and playing house (especially Child F.) and swimming. Noah wishes there was more wrestling involved - he's getting too big for grownups to be interested in wrestling for long and the younger kids are not at all interested. But he's not upset at not having a brother, which I half expected. Del has said this is not anything compared to our last placement, but then there are moments (usually at the end of the day) when she needs extra snuggles and is overwhelmed. Child F. is figuring out what the routines and limits are and is one of our easiest kids. Child E. is two. Have I said that already? All the tantrums, "NO!"'s, and emotions that you hear about two year olds - she's got 'em. To be fair - she also has very limited vocabulary and her world has been turned on end. You'd be acting like a two year old too! Child E. charms all. She's got the biggest grin and the tightest hug.


So this is what my daydream looks like in real life. No Stepford children here. And this mom who values authenticity in all relationships, is glad that this is her reality.

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