I have been hearing this same story over and over for the last few years and it's so frustrating for me.
Here's why:
... it's not about YOU or how old you are, how you think your grandchildren should be raised, or any healthcare decision regarding your grandchild and/or their pregnant parents.
I'm so tired of grandmothers being distraught that their children are having children, because they aren't "ready" to be grandmothers. They insist on coming up with an alternate name for themselves (not "grandma" *gasp*) because they insist they are too young. (Side note: I'm not anti-alternate grandparent names, in fact, I love them! I'm anti the sentiment that it's somehow offensive that grandchildren would want to call their grandmother "grandma".) Here's the deal: if and when you have children, assume that they may in fact have children at some later date also. Take this one step further: they may have children when you think you are too young. But your child's reproduction is not for you to control. Your reproduction is something you can (in theory) control. So, if you foresee yourself feeling too young to be a grandmother at 45, 65, etc. then you can (in theory) stall your own choice to reproduce.
If you find yourself in the role of "grandma", be honored, be scared, be supportive. Do not insist on your way of parenting, birthing, naming, etc. The cool thing about babies is that it's an incredible responsibility and privilege. When you're a parent the responsibility side is heavier than when you're a grandparent. So kick back and let your kids mess up their kids - that's their privilege. When they ask for help, oblige as much as you'd like or are able. That's all.
Thankfully, this isn't my children's grandparents in any way imaginable. When we announced to our parents that we were expecting no one said: "I'm not even 50! I can't be a grandmother!" Instead, the only thing keeping their joy in check was not wanting to overwhelm/overbear. No one said: "I can't be called 'granny'! We'll have to think of a younger version..." When we commented one day that perhaps the chunks of food we put in front of Ark Boy as a baby were a little large my dad responded with: "We thought so but we knew he was your kid and we wanted to let you figure things out" - or something like that. This comes from a respectful relationship where they trust us to do the best we can. This does not mean our parents never make suggestions but I just growl and they retreat. It's a wonderful thing, right moms (who read this blog religiously)?
Thanks grandmothers (AKA Nina and Grammy) for always trusting, respecting, and supporting our decisions.
(yes, our children have another grandmother but I growled at her and she ran out of the picture).
How did your mom respond to the announcement that her new role was "grandmother"?
