Friday, March 1, 2013

I'm just sayin'

I'm finding myself in a position where it's hard to blog. We are are trying our best to do the "right" thing. Our goal in life in general is to make the smallest footprint on the planet while making the world a better place for all. Lofty goal, I know. But every decision we make is filtered through that lens.

But it feels like in many areas of our life there is some "authority" that is immature, and yet we have to acquiesce to their silly preposterous demands/decisions because they misconstrue our intent and assume we're somehow out for personal gain. When we realize their underlying belief about us that leads the "authority" to make their asinine decision we find ourselves reeling. It's so discouraging to see that not everyone views us in the best possible light, as we think we try to do with everyone else. I think people generally approach others with the idea that everyone is like themselves. This means that when people assume we're out for personal gain, should we not assume the same of them? And this is scary to me and sad - that these "authority" figures that I've respected up to this point, show their true colors - and it ain't pretty.

And yet, I feel that I can't be more open in blogging because I don't want to stir up any more dirt because I've been burned in the past (see comments) when someone didn't like what was said on the blog but didn't know how to confront me personally. But then frustrating that an experience like that could shut me up. But it has. And I hate that!

So I resolved to write about our day to day - twice a week. That doesn't seem to challenging, right?
But then I find the things I want to write about (that I hesitate to even give examples about!) are the things I must sensor ... but they are things I'm thinking about and feel affected by daily.

All that to say, I'm trying to figure out what's "safe" to write and what isn't worth the risk. It's a challenge when we foster (lots of confidentiality - which is reasonable and I'm used to given past work experience, but fostering is so all encompassing because you're including a person into your life so deeply and fully and constantly), every friendship has its rocky points (and who wants "dirty laundry" aired), we're trying to stay out of farmer's market drama (which dovetails into the general underbelly of the local food movement) but I definitely have opinions), we met with ag and markets to discuss our cheese making plans (which was something I didn't feel I could talk openly about - not knowing how it would turn out and hearing scary stories ... but now that the meeting has happened .... should I blog about that here or on the farm blog?).

So I'm trying not to feel jaded while I figure out what to share and what this extrovert needs to keep to herself. I think it should all be an open book and I'm comfortable with that .... but not everyone is. This would be something to consider but not something to scare me off blogging ... if those very people weren't holding the keys to our lives. So frustrating.

Whew! What a ramble. Tell this person to stop blogging! ;)


Donnie_jackson said...

When I moved North from the Deep South back in 1984, a friend from down there asked me after the first year how I found people 'up North'.  I could honestly say that I found good people.  People who loved to hunt, fish, camp, loved their children and spouse and were very friendly.  He told then that he had learned (he was a WWII vet) that no matter where you go, you make friends and find people like youself.  You still meet people who, for whatever reason, don't like you or what you are doing but they don't matter.  It's your friends and future friends that matter.  The rest can bugger off.

Lppick said...

Well, I for one hope you do not give up blogging and also hope you will find a way to be as true to your self and what you believe in as possible. Not knowing what the relationship these "authority figures" have in your life and what keys to your lives they hold makes it difficult to comment. I'm sure there are many different aspects you have to weigh. However, I do know that people who criticize others are often focusing on the very things they don't like about themselves. I've always enjoyed your open honesty in your blog. You come across as a "real" person and it is very clear from the things you write about how much you care about the earth, values, children and your family. Never under estimate yourself. You are doing wonderful things!!!!

lovermont said...

Thank you for always being so supportive! There's a follow up post coming about the farmer's market drama ... and just general positive reaction from this post.