Friday, June 1, 2012

3 Life Axioms


It has its pros and cons - everything does: age gap of children, living in the city, living in the country

It's not about you - often I think we think that a person is reacting to our behavior, when really their behavior is independent of ours. For example, when a friend stops talking to you for a while you assume it's because you didn't keep in touch better, or you stated strong opinions last time you were together, or ..., or ...
And it could be any of those things.
But often it's just that your friend got busy with their own life.

We assume that everyone is like us, until proven otherwise - I find myself frequently shocked that someone did not react in a way I expected - and I expect everyone to act/feel/think similarly to me ... until they don't ... and then it's a surprise. Sometimes in a good way (like when someone genuinely wants to scrub your toilet ... no that hasn't happened to me yet either) and sometimes in a not so good way (someone misunderstands your intent and is upset as a result).

These three axioms keep coming up in life these days.


Construction Queen said...

Well if it's any consolation, I miss you.... A LOT.  I miss you taking Frankie's pictures, seeing you driving around town, talking, endless talking, periodic dinners together, living closer, Noah, Del, Josh.  But you are right, sometimes we take things personally, when really we shouldn't; life is way more exciting when we all have our different views, methods, lives.  Sometimes when someone does something differently then you; you take on their way of doing it cause it makes more sense or vise versa.  Don't take things too personally, you never know what the other person isn't telling you about their life.

When my best friend got married almost 10 years ago our friendship changed drastically because her life changed drastically.  I wasn't getting married; I was still free & single & having a good time, but we stayed in touch, she is maybe the only person that could be my twin in another life.  Then her life changed again; she had her first child, that changed our friendship more then her getting married, I was still not married; her life got more busy & more demanding, while my stayed free.  We both had resentments, she resented me because I had NOTHING to be responsible for except myself; I resented her because she was married & had a child; both things I desperately wanted.  Things happen, we get closer, we drift, we get closer, we drift, because life happens.  Now we're both married & have kids, she's on the other side of things, she doesn't want more kids, her oldest is going into kindergarten this fall, her youngest is potty trained & in preschool.  Mine is still in diapers & we're planning for more, so our life will change again.  But she is my constant friend, we all have a constant friend, that friend that you can pick the phone up & it's like weeks haven't passed, you pick up right where you left off.  It's that person that you consider family; that you would drop things to rescue, that would drop things to rescue you!  Remember that when you drift or life changes.

lovermont said...

Where's the "like" button.
This is so beautifully explained and super encouraging.
I wish the world was smaller - or I could hand pick a group of people to all live within an hour of me. But then I'd miss out on new friends ...