Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Feeling done with this mommy stuff.
Well the stay-at-home part anyway.
Whenever this comes up with other moms they agree that they are having similar feelings.
Whenever this comes up with moms who have older children they say they remember how hard it was but it gets better.
So evidently everyone feels this way.
It doesn't make it better.
It isn't good enough to just commiserate- can't we find solutions?
It's insane that one individual is responsible for raising our future
and at the same time that role is looked down upon
but also idealized.

Have been brainstorming solutions.
What about a coop daycare?
Everyone works 4 days a week at their job and then 1 day a week at the coop daycare.
But who can find a 4 day a week job?
Maybe a coop babysitting coop?
But most of the moms I know live 15 mins or more from us.
Don't know what's more important- finding parents who are raising their children similarly or local moms.
And embarrassingly I'm not sure how to connect with moms in my neighborhood.

Started looking for part time teaching jobs.
Should tutor.
Big hourly wage.
But think I want to teach- maybe do both?
But I definitely think it's insane to work 40 hours a week.
Even if children weren't in the picture
it's insane that couples are separated for 40+ hours a week
they are married because they want to be together- right?
But they're not together
And people wonder why office affairs happen?
You're spending 40+hrs with someone working towards common goals
unlike your relationship with your spouse
And then throw kids in the mix
Soon you turn around and the events of your day are not at all like the events in your spouses day- what do you have in common?
The house?
The interactions that each person has with these two things are so different.

Anyway, the point is- this whole SAHM thing isn't what it was cracked up to be.
And at this point I think someone else may be better at raising my children- especially Ark Boy.
I'm not ready to be away from Farm Girl so much.
She's too young.
She needs mommy milk and she's a mommy girl.
But 40 hours?!?
No way!
I want to raise my children- I just need a couple hours a week that is separate from them.
Enter mommy guilt
the need to have your own space?
Isn't that selfish and not mommy-like at all?!!?
Oh! Our cultural ideals have so many errors throughout.
Would talk more but have a toddler on my lap who wants to "help"

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