Lppick suggested a post on multi generational living: the blending of two families.
I don't really feel qualified to discuss this as we've tried it.
It hasn't worked.
And we're jumping into a multi generational living situation again.
I like to think that this time is different.
It also helps me sleep at night.
To think that this will work.
Here are some items we have felt are important and discussed at length as a family group:
- All sides are being as honest as possible in the most respectful way possible.
- Everyone feels that this is "really" the other couple's home - AND we don't want the other couple to feel like they are just guests.
- This is something both couples have wanted for 7+ years ... we've been this close to moving in together two previous times then decide that it's not practical - now it is!
- All individuals are comfortable discussing tough stuff with each other respectfully
- Our values, lifestyles, and goals are similar
- There is a "get out" plan*
- The house has two full bathrooms
- There is some separation to the bedroom areas
- Every person has an area they excel at - an awesomeness they add to the household (Ren Man cooks, Poobah (my dad) is a homesteading enthusiast, Nina (my mom) is patient and generous, and I'm the
aggressive domineering natural leader. See? It's perfect - as long as everyone folds to my bossy ways ;)
*a friend was emphatic that a get out plan was necessary for everyone. Lives change, people change, circumstances change ... what if someone wants out? This was hard to talk about because
right now everyone is enthusiastic about living together forever. But what if that changes? So we have a tentative get out plan in place. And you know what this conversation did? Made us all realize that this is a
choice. It's much easier to live in a situation when you know there is an "out" and it's your
choice to live the way you do.
So now we're talking paint, shopping for a sectional, and thinking through furniture organization. Suggestions welcome! The cool thing about these detail-y conversations is realizing that our design tastes tend to be similar.
Doing a quick google search I found
this article that says multi-generational households have increased 40% since 1990. Part of this is due to decrease stigma around multi-generational living. I feel this stigma and want to shout: "we
want to share a home with my parents - we
don't have to!" But try to remember, it doesn't really matter what other people think, right? And we think this opportunity is so cool and we're so excited to share a home with my parents.
Here's another great article about multi-generational living that discusses guidelines as well as benefits for every generartion. We think our kids have a fabulous relationship with all four grandparents and I'm so thankful for that. Living together will create a dynamic in which my parents are even more integral in our children's lives. As the article says, people are made to be part of family groups - we're happy to see our family group grow and happy to that my parents will continue to have a day-to-day family group even after my siblings and I have moved beyond childhood (some of us more than others ;) ).
Anything else we should think about going into this? Any other questions we should address?
