Tuesday, February 25, 2014

hot men

I've never found men attractive physically. It's not that I don't like how men look or that I like how women look more, I just saw most people as neutral. I could say: "yeah, he's cute" but it wasn't like I was overwhelmed by any hottness as it appeared some of my peers were. I could see a cute guy, start talking to him, and realize his nose was a little big, his hair greasy, his views annoying. Or I could see a non-intimidatingly-cute-guy, start talking to him, and realize how adorable his 5 o'clock shadow is, or how he hooks his fingers in to the pocket of his jeans and smiles big, or how his voice is low and warm - and suddenly he's super cute.
That's what mattered.
And it still does.
But I've noticed lately that I notice hot men. It's not movie stars, because who are we kidding? I have no time for tv-watching, star gazing, or cinema outings. (Side note: Although the main guy from Glee, I'm embarrassed to say, is - wow! I was mortified to be crushing on a high schooler, then learned he's in his late 20's. Then recently learned he od'd, which was devastating.)
It's men I know in real life!
Hot! Hot!
Why did I not notice before?
Have men suddenly become more physically attractive?
Maybe I'm old enough that "men" are actually men?

I run home and tell my best friend (because an extrovert really can't keep this stuff in): "so-and-so is really hot! Don't you think?"
"Yeah," my best friend says with a smile, "I can see that he's attractive."
"I wanted to tell him," I confess, "but I shouldn't, right? That would be weird."
"Yeah," he agrees, "it would be awkward."
"But it would be more awkward if you told someone they were attractive, don't you think?" I ask.
"Yeah, definitely," he agrees.

And even with my hot-guy-radar at high alert, it's this guy I'm excited to see after a long day, thankful to call my best friend, and the only one I really want to do life with. I recently stopped by his workplace unexpectedly. The butterflies started as I knew I was about to round the corner and he would spot them. We call those butterflies the "over-the-hill-feeling". You know, when you drive over a hill unexpectedly and your belly goes funny? That's what it feels like. And it still happens - even after 13 years. And he agrees. He gets that giddy over-the-hill-feeling too. And we smile shyly at each other, surprised at our own relationship and how it's all still flowing.


ps full disclosure: Best friend, life partner, husband, business partner, and more .... but he's not a Mommy Do It! blog reader. This is not for him. He's welcome to read, but he doesn't like my writing (part of our relationship is honesty, for better or worse ;) ). We specifically don't write messages to each other on facebook, generally, or another public realm (such as this blog). If we want to say something like: "Happy Anniversary - you're awesome!" or whatever, we roll over in bed in the morning and say it. Because otherwise we're not saying it for each other, we're saying it to get response from the world. All that to say, this was written for you (blog reader) and for me, not for Ren Man - but if he sees it, I don't care. That whole extrovert thing. You should see me at Christmas and birthdays. It's very near impossible for me to keep a secret from this man - although I'm pretty good about holding secrets from other people when asked.

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