Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Dear Child C

Dear Child C,
Wow! We've known each other for a little over ten weeks and we're finally finally getting into our groove. It started with a phone call asking if we could do a respite for you and your sister - a week. Three days into the respite I couldn't imagine you going any where. Through conversations with your previous foster mom it came out that she was feeling overwhelmed and guilty about thinking she couldn't raise you and your sister while also taking care of several children she's already adopted out of foster care. After getting to know one another through phone conversations she was more comfortable (but no less guilty-feeling) about asking that you and your sister move to our home.
Another loss for you both, but also a gain.


Within days we discovered the BIG feelings side of you that included loud screams, swearing, hitting, scratching, biting, breaking toys, etc. This often happened in reaction to something mysterious ... and not knowing what to do, I would hold you on the porch away from others and we would rock on the swing until you were calm. These came on usually 5-10 times a day. We talked about big feelings and the things you COULD do when you had them - that big feelings are great, we feel BIG happy and BIG anger and BIG fear and BIG excitement, it's what we DO with those feelings that can be tricky. We can hit the floor, we can run around outside, we can use our words to say: "I'm angry!", we can do big jumps, we can scream outside ... but we don't hit others, or scream in their face, or break toys.


These were exhausting days for us. But also days where we bonded deeply. You and I had to be together almost constantly because we never knew when big feelings would come and be too overwhelming. It was a challenge for anyone to help you process those feelings, never mind that role being passed from grownup to grownup. So we spent a lot of time together. I learned a lot about you. I know you have one of the most infectious smiles with perfect dimples. I know exactly how your footsteps sound across the wood floor. I know how tight you little hugs can be and how much you love having raspberries blown on you belly. I know that you love to move furniture, wash dishes, and collect eggs. I know that you don't trust grownups. I know that you want to be in control all of the time of everything and everybody. I know that our cat, Brynn, is one of the only things that instantly calms your big feelings. I know that you love to sing almost as much as you love bacon.


And lately, we go days, without huge melt downs. You first learned that if you used words, a grownup usually could help you. And now you're learning that if you use a regular voice the grownups in your life are even more willing to accommodate your requests. You make big threats ("I'm going to break something!") but then you presumably decide it's not worth the effort, because you never actually break things these days. You still want me to be ever present most of the time, but you're becoming more comfortable with space between us. You've grown and learned so much in such a short period of time. Your relationship with Del and Noah and your sister has deepened and enriched the four of you in untold magical ways. It's building train tracks, catching frogs, blowing bubbles ... You're this close to moving up a clothing size and there are only a few short months and you'll be starting kindergarten. Sometimes it's hard to remember how crazy our first few months were, but even harder to imagine you ready to get on a big school bus all by yourself to start an adventure independently.


I love you forever and ever no matter what,

1 comment:

Debbie said...

Love this! An extremely lucky little soul to have been put in your hands.