Dear Child B

Dear Child B,
We've been together 7-weeks and it feels non-stop since then. You've grown so much in that short time, emotionally and I think physically too! You tend to be somewhat reserved in your verbal expression but quick to sneak in a hug whenever there is an opportunity. It's like all your time is spent seeking affection. An "I love you" will illicit a giggle and a grin as wide as anything. A hug will melt your body into bliss. A back rub will erase all of your worries. And even with all of this desire for affection, you're quick to let someone else take over and then sneak your way back in. I often find you in my lap without even remembering you finding a spot.

From the beginning you've called us mommy and daddy. I found this surprising until you called out to a woman at the playground: "Mommy!! What's that girl's name?". So I learned, males are "daddy" and females are "mommy" without any of the emotional or cultural attachment I feel when I hear or say those words.

 

It's been interesting to see how you create an environment where your needs can be met. Sometimes I'm confused by your behavior and can only speculate what drives you to collect all of your socks in a dress-up purse ... when we've been running out of socks for you and wondering where they were. Or you fight so hard for my attention and scream in frustration when someone else needs to finish their thought first ... but then let someone talk over you the next time.

You're soft spoken and gentle with your interactions. Your babies are always tucked under a blanket or buckled into the car, well taken care of. Sometimes it surprises me how mature your caring abilities are. And then I'm surprised at how immature some of your other abilities are. We're just meeting you where you are at - the 16 year old mother hen mixed with the 2 year old communicator, and the infant snuggler.

You're quickly learning how to use your words to meet your needs, negotiate toys and game choices with your siblings, and charm every grownup with your endearing smile ... although I think that smile has been your ticket for a long time now. You have bright blue-green eyes, teeny tiny adorable dimples, and this perfectly imperfect gap in your front teeth.

 

This is all so much harder than I anticipated and also so much better. We have more laundry and more laughter. We have more noise and more tickling. We have more car rides and more rich memories. We have the joy of sharing new experiences with you and reveling in the experiences you share with us. It's not all rainbows and fairies or thunderstorms and goblins.

When interacting with children I try to remember what kind of adults I want them to become - and treat them accordingly. This isn't about what job a child will have or pushing any kid into the grown-up world ... just a reminder that I want this child to mature into an independent, centered, and satisfied human being. To foster this, I work hard to treat each child with respect, offering opportunities to exert their independence when appropriate, offer many earth and others focused insights, and set every child up for frequent successes as well as putting supports in place for challenges. In the beginning I had a hard time imaging your future or how my interactions should evolve. I was working on learning the person you are now, as well as piecing together the parts that contributed to who you are, and melding that into a vision of who you may become as an adult. Just as you were working on catching up on skills missed in infancy to pre-school.

 

But now at 7 weeks, I'm seeing a person emerge who is gentle, fun-loving, independent, stubborn, caring, and more. It's been so fun getting to know you and it's even more fun thinking of future camping trips, family parties, holidays, birthdays, farm adventures, and more ... or less. We're just happy to be part of your life today.

On one particularly challenging day we were listening to Laurie Berkner in the car. A cd I've played 100's of times. (A fascinating side note: when every song ends there's a moment of panic from you and your brother that I've turned the music off.) When "Open Your Heart" came on, I heard it in a new light. You can do so many amazing things that some four year olds can - but most can't. You're a strong, resilient, amazing little girl ... but there are some things you still need from the grownups in your life.

I love you forever and ever no matter what,
Momma

Open Your Heart by The Laurie Berkner Band

I can use my voice to sing out a song
And use my muscles when I'm feeling strong
I can use my arms for hugging you tight
And use my pillow when I sleep at night

But some things I can't do
That's why I need you
To open your heart
My heart is waiting for you
Open your heart
My heart is waiting

I can use my head to say no or yes
I can use my mouth to take in a breath
I can turn a knob to open a door
And I can dance my way across the floor

But some things I can't do
That's why I need you
To open your heart
My heart is waiting for you
Open your heart
My heart is waiting

What's inside when I open my heart?
Turn the wheel, and what do I feel?
I feel love when I open my heart
Do you feel it too?

I can use a key to open a lock
I can listen when the two of us talk
I can taste my salty tears when I cry
Or use my body to jump up high

But some things I can't do
That's why I need you
To open your heart
My heart is waiting for you
Open your heart
My heart is waiting

Open your heart
Open your heart
Open your heart
My heart is waiting!